Who You Choose to Be: with Carrie Spratley

Carrie Spratley joins us to share her powerful journey from young motherhood to author, revealing how God met her in life's deepest valleys and transformed her through trust and surrender. Her testimony of becoming a mother at 21, experiencing miscarriage, and finding purpose through serving natural disaster victims shows how God works through our hardest circumstances.

• Becoming a mom at 21 and navigating feelings of shame and separation from God's best
• Learning to trust God by allowing Him to love through us, even in our darkest moments
• Processing grief after miscarriage and seeing God's restoration through the birth of another son
• Finding purpose through volunteer work with Samaritan's Purse despite being naturally introverted
• Understanding our job as parents is to guide children toward independence, not dependence
• Rejecting mediocrity and embracing God's capacity to do "exceedingly abundantly more"
• Practical steps to discover God's purpose, including writing down kingdom-minded desires
• Recognizing the difference between God's known will (love God, love others, make disciples) and His discerning will for our individual lives

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Get Carrie’s book here: https://amzn.to/3RPSBDH

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Keri Spratley's Story
• 1:13 Growing in Faith as a Young Mother
• 2:56 Finding God's Grace Through Difficult Choices
• 9:34 Loss, Recovery, and Family Restoration
• 17:25 Trusting God with Children into Adulthood
• 26:45 Samaritan's Purse and Finding Purpose
• 40:57 Moving Beyond Mediocrity and Making Heaven Crowded
• 49:10 Prayer for Discovering God's Purpose

Transcript

Gianina: 0:00

Welcome back to Walk Through the podcast, where we don't just look back on life's valleys we walk through them together, finding God in the middle of it all. I'm your host, Gianina, joined by my co-host, Kiley, and today we have an incredible guest with us, my dear friend and author of the book, Who You Choose to Be, Carrie Spratley. Carrie's story is one of resilience, faith and victory. She has faced deep challenges, from miscarriage and autoimmune struggles to financial loss, emptying the nest and navigating the heartbreak of having a homeless adult child. But through it all, she has seen God's faithfulness at work. Today, we'll talk about how God meets us in our hardest moments, what it means to fully trust Him even when circumstances try to shake our faith, and how Carrie has moved from a season of valleys into a place of gratitude and victory. This is a conversation you won't want to miss. So welcome, Carrie. We're so excited to have you on.

Carrie: 0:57

I'm so excited, honored, to be here with you guys.

Gianina: 1:00

Yeah, this is gonna. I already know from reading your book that this is going to be such a great episode, so I'm really excited about it. But I would love for you to just tell us a little bit about yourself and your journey with the Lord, and what that has looked like.

Carrie: 1:13

Okay, I was raised in a very small town about an hour from where I live today, which is where I've lived most of my adult life. I became a mom and a wife at a very young age of 21. I wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember. I was raised in the church and I'm one of those people that does not ever remember a time where I did not have belief in God. I truly understood that I needed a Savior. I went to Christian camps and vacation Bible schools and Sunday school every week. Any opportunity I had to accept Jesus into my heart. I just kept saying, yes, I need you, God.

Carrie: 2:00

But it wasn't until I became a wife and a mom at such a young age that my relationship with Jesus needed to deepen. I needed him to help me do all the things. So we plugged into our local church when I was 23. And I started to dig in by going to Bible studies for women, become involved with small groups and I attended conferences like Women of Faith and women's retreats through church. And then, at age 27, I went public with my faith in baptism and serving in children's ministries. And then, as time progressed and I grew in my faith. My ministries have evolved and have stepped into more leadership type roles.

Kiley: 2:48

So, Carrie, can you take us back to one of the hardest moments and share how you saw God working through that?

Carrie: 2:57

Yes for me. So when you're raised to know the difference between right and wrong, raised to know the difference between right and wrong, you choose not God's best for your life. There is a lot of crippling guilt and shame that the enemy will remind you of, and it was incredibly painful to face the reality that I knew God's best for me was to be married first and I didn't make that choice and that separated me from God. It separated me from His best and that was incredibly painful because I absolutely knew the difference. And then I had to face my mom and my dad and they were very gracious and merciful to me in that time and I'm so grateful that they embraced me and loved me and didn't judge me and just came alongside me and said we're here for you.

Carrie: 3:53

It was just a really dark time for, even at such a young age, to have understood the level of depravity of my sin in that moment but then also understand God's grace and mercy and to know that he was still for me and that he was going to continue to take care of me. And ultimately it was my lack of trust in Him to trust His best for my life and His ways being best that caused that chasm between Him and me, and it was hard. It was a hard thing to face, but he's so gracious and just carried me through and just guided me back on the path of where I needed to be, which I just can't imagine not having that guidance and that love that he surrounded me with, despite the fact that I chose outside of his best for my life Was that through how your parents had reacted to that.

Kiley: 4:52

What was that like for you to experience God in that time?

Carrie: 4:56

It was you know, being 21 and having that revelation of understanding that separation, I really felt like I always thought I was an old soul and so to understand God's grace and mercy at such a young age I thought was pretty profound. I didn't take that lightly. That I had that understanding of it just wasn't like a flippant thing for me, like, oh, I'm just going to just move on with my life. And I truly wanted to course correct the definition of repentance is to make a change. And so I truly wanted to repent and I truly wanted to make that change.

Carrie: 5:33

And so what that looked like for me was seeking him and trusting him, because I hadn't trusted him, even though I knew the truth, I just hadn't trusted him. And just the way he embraced me was not really anything I think I could describe, but it's probably one of the more profound things that happened in my early adulthood that really helped put me on the path, to just reassure me that God is real and that he loves me and that he wants his best for me. When I seek him first, things went well. They went better for me as I sought him and his best for me when I seek Him first. You know, things went well. They went better for me as I sought Him and His best for my life.

Gianina: 6:11

I think that's such a powerful testimony of when we make a mistake or we walk on a path that isn't God's best for our life. It's like the quicker that we can realize that God is for us and he's not mad at us and he's not angry, he's on our side and he still wants that connection with us and that repentance. It's like the sooner we can realize that, the quicker we get on the right path and we can just have this journey with him. Because a lot of times what happens is and this happened in my own life too is where you make a mistake, and especially when you know better, when you know better you were raised differently and it's like a big thing in your life. And then you're like, okay, well, God's mad at me and you kind of feel the shame and carry it.

Gianina: 6:58

It's like the longer that you do that, the further that you step away from his purpose in your life. So it's really cool that you were able to. The further that you step away from his purpose in your life, so it's really cool that you were able to and probably some of that came from your parents, Grace. When you saw that, it's like, okay, no, I can repent. Now. I can turn around now and give him the best for my life. That's such a great testimony.

Carrie: 7:19

Another component of I didn't just immediately enter into. There was a time where I was obviously facing being a mother and not being married. Eric and I had met in August and I was pregnant in October. So not only was I facing the reality of becoming a mom and facing the weight of my sin, I was also facing the fact that I was going to be a mom with somebody that I really didn't know at like hardly at all, I mean. We just immediately fast-tracked our relationship in a way that was not God's best, obviously, and it created this, it really created this moment for a few months from Eric, um, I was just so, um, hurting from the magnitude of of what I had done that I just I couldn't even face him, like I couldn't even embrace it. I was like I okay, I'm going to become a mom, I'm young, how am I going to do this? And you know, and the weight of of my sin, and and I and I pushed him how am I going to do this? And the weight of my sin, and I pushed him away. I just said I just can't, I can't face you. It was like facing myself in a double mirror. It made it that much harder. I had to really process where I was at, and it took a few months for me to get there and I didn't know how I was going to go forward. I didn't know if I was going to marry him or what was happening with our lives. And he pursued me and he pursued me and he pursued me and then finally, god just said I just, I just need you to love me as much as you love her, and I need you to trust me and I need you to let her go. And so there was this three, four month period of time where he did let me go and we weren't talking or seeing each other and I was, honestly, I was just so not wanting to face him or because it was just a reminder of where I was.

Carrie: 9:15

One morning I got up on a Sunday and I was like, okay, I'm going to go to church, I need Jesus. And I went to church and Eric was there. He was in the row ahead of me at church. I didn't know that was going to be, and it was probably the second most transformative time in my life where God showed up, because I was really angry and mad and frustrated and, honestly, I disdained for him when I walked in that church building because he was a part of it, even though it was obviously a very willing thing, he was a part of it.

Carrie: 9:47

And the reality of where we were and God just washed a love for him over me, like through me, and he was like you know, you aren't loving him right now, but I can love him through you if you let me love him through you. And it was the most supernatural experience I've ever had in my life where I just immediately had this love for him and I just saw him completely differently and I was just so grateful because that really was the way it was designed to be, when you operate out of God's best and you trust him for a mate for your life that he was like okay, I'm bringing you that mate Now will you do it the right way? Will you trust me and let me love him through you? You know, and here we are, 33 years later, with just an incredible relationship.

Carrie: 10:43

I don't know I'm so grateful for that the way God showed up in such a supernatural way. So it wasn't just my parents being patient and loving and kind, despite where I was at, but that also, god just had to show up in a supernatural way because I was just in so much shame and regret and just mad at myself that he had to you. When that's your heart, you don't have a love for other people, when your heart is hurting so bad from the reality of the weight of our sin how do you feel like that has impacted your guys's marriage and kind of just the journey over the last?

Gianina: 11:23

you said 33 years. Is that how long it's been? Yeah, 33. Wow, so like walk me through some of your guys's journey as a married couple and your family life and what that has looked like.

Carrie: 11:35

Okay, so, you know, obviously we came up mom at 21 and we have our oldest son, jared, and he's a dad now and married and, um, that's been an incredible blessing. And then we had, we ended up having our second son, um, 20 months later. So we were married for two years and had two kids 20 months apart and, you know, just immersed ourself in our church community because we knew we needed God to be able to be married and to be parents and just everything that we needed, you know, had to come from Him. So it was just complete dependence upon Him and just trusting Him and, honestly, just so much grace and mercy about he. You know, we sought Him and then he, you know, was always there for us, right, as we continue to see him and trust him for our lives, for everything. And then, six years after our second son was born, we ended up God just totally changed our hearts. We thought we were done with two boys and he completely changed our hearts for another child and he completely changed our hearts for another child and we got pregnant and we ended up losing that baby, which was super hard because it was, honestly, the first time that we really tried for a child. The other two just came without a plan or an effort, and this third one we actually God changed our heart for it, so it was different in that regard Then.

Carrie: 13:04

To lose that was really hard.

Carrie: 13:06

It was such a painful thing, but God was so faithful, we were so immersed with having a community of people around us.

Carrie: 13:15

I was in an inductive women's Bible study at the time, so I was just surrounded by an incredible group of people who prayerfully just wrapped their arms around me and comforted me and God just met us there because it really could have been one of those times that I think could have gone into the depth of sorrow that God just really met us there and just carried us fluidly and, you know, just a few months later, restored us with our third son, later restored us with our third son, caleb Joshua, who is 24 now. And I'm just so grateful because as hard as it is to have the pain of loss of a child like that and then to have this other human being in our life, that is such a gift and we're so grateful. It's just such a beautiful recovery that he gives us and to think that I wouldn't have him if I didn't have that loss right, which is so powerful to bring perspective, to see it that way. So yeah, I mean, and here we are.

Kiley: 14:21

Here we are Well, and I think even backtracking even farther the fact that you listened to God when he said I know you can't love him right now, but let me love him through you and because you answered that you have such an incredible testimony of a life that he's given you, and I'm sure that your son, all of them, are going to see that and it's going to show up in their lives as well, Absolutely.

Carrie: 14:45

Absolutely. Yeah, they're just. They're all great human beings. God is so thankful it's. You know, when you have adult children, it's such an interesting dynamic to relate to them as adults and the interactions that we have with them. They all live within 10, 15 minutes of our home and we're very involved in their lives and I'm just so grateful for that. That you know that restoration and that you know that good family bond that God has given us and you know, uniting us under his headship. I'm just so grateful for that's really special.

Gianina: 15:20

It's funny as a boy mom and I know Kylie has a daughter but I'm like I want to pick your brain on all the things and parenting, and especially since you do have adult children now and mine is still so young. But I guess, like if I could ask one thing, it's what do you feel has kind of helped you guide them to the Lord most? Was it hard for you to let go and trust God when they did become adults? I couldn't imagine that feeling of like okay, I hope I did this right. I hope I taught you enough and prayed enough. I think sometimes I almost feel like I have this codependence of. I feel so responsible for his salvation and for his future, and and so I would love to hear your perspective on how you deal with that and like how you handled that as they were growing up that's.

Kiley: 16:20

That's also a girl mom thing too.

Carrie: 16:21

So there's a lot of layered response there.

Carrie: 16:26

I would say there's a saying that says tell everyone you know about jesus and use as few words as possible that's good you know, living our lives by example, I think, has been a key part of their upbringing not just telling them to love jesus, but actually showing them by example what it means to love like Jesus. And a few years ago our oldest son and his wife. We were sitting down for dinner and he said that Eric and I have he would consider us like the MVP of ministry and said that we have given them the best example to follow as far as what it looks like for a life surrendered to Christ and serving and loving people. That really restored my faith, because trusting God with my children has probably been one of my hardest things. Like if you had said, carrie, do you trust God? If you asked me at any point in my life, I would say, yes, I trust God, but my children is probably one of the hardest things. I have a deep love for my children. I would say, yes, I trust God, but my children is probably one of the hardest things. I have a deep love for my children. I don't want to say it's outside the norm, but I will say that I think that if something were to happen to them, I don't know that I would be able to recover pain-wise, and that's a conversation that I have had with God. Like I told God, you can have anything in my life, you can have access to anything, but please don't let anything hard happen for my kids and that's a really hard thing to let go and trust him. He loves them more than I do, I do and who they are. I can lay my head on the pillow at night knowing that by example, we gave them the example of what it looks like to have a life surrendered to God and I have to trust that because they still have to form their own faith. My youngest son went to Bible college in Australia through Hillsong and even having a ministry degree, you would think well done, right. There's still a wrestle there with who they are and they still have to form their own faith because they're raised in our faith. But they still have to come to a place where they own it for themselves and they make it their own and they are living it out in their own life, not because we said so, but because they actually read God's word and they believe what it says. Right, and they act upon it because God has moved on their heart instead of us moving on their heart through our own faith. Right, you can point them to obviously everything by example and reading the word to them, but they still have to make it their own, they still have to believe it for themselves. So that's a funny story on that, just real quick.

Carrie: 19:10

When my middle son, who just turned 30 a couple weeks ago, he went into the military when he was 19. And he drove from Nevada so we live on the West Coast he drove from Nevada to Georgia by himself to enlist in the army and a couple of weeks after he was in the army I see this video on Facebook that he posts and it's him post recovery. You know how the when you get your wisdom teeth out, how silly people act, because they're still kind of coming out of their seizure or whatever. And so whoever drove him home thought it would be funny to record the video. And so then my son decides to put it on Facebook and I open up Facebook and I see him post recovery and I immediately called him and I'm like dude, what? What are you doing? He's like what do you mean? I'm all. You had oral surgery and you didn't even tell me. You didn't like I could have flown out for the weekend and like to help you recover.

Carrie: 20:07

And he's all mom, I am an adult, this is what to do. And I and I. For a second I was like okay, you just drove from Nevada to Georgia, you enlisted in the army and three weeks later you're having oral surgery by yourself. Good job, mom. Right, our job is to get them independent of us, to think for themselves, to feel for themselves, to learn who God is for themselves. That's our job and, as hard as it is to embrace that, that really is our job and our children belong to God anyway. We're just stewarding them for a time, but ultimately, our job is to get them independent of us and we're to embrace that and, to you know, have freedom with the understanding that they become adults, and it's important that they be adults.

Kiley: 20:59

Yeah, that's so hard. It's really hard. I mean, I struggle with that now because my daughter's 15. And I honestly, probably on a daily basis, I wonder if I'm failing her, because there's just lots of emotions and one second she loves me and the other second she's yelling at me. But it's like you think about when you were a teenager and I probably did the same thing to my parents and eventually I did. I lived at home before you know, up until I got married, and that was the first time I had ever lived outside of the house. And now you know we live in another state. No-transcript.

Carrie: 22:10

Yeah, and great question to ask yourself is God, do I trust you? Because that's really what it comes down to. They're His right, and so the level of trust that we have and your job, if you can see it this way, your job is to get her independent of you. Your job, Gianina, is to get your son independent of you. That's what parenting is is helping them gain their independence, and I mean, think back to when you were getting your driver's license or when you were exiting the home to go to college or whatever.

Carrie: 22:41

Your 18 milestone. Look like they're looking forward to it too, right? And so if they see us clinging to them and holding onto them and not really fully trusting God with them, they're going to assume that fear that you have, they're going to assume that lack of trust that you have, and so you have to show them and tell them I trust God so much that I am fully prepared to get you independent because, ultimately, you belong to him. And my job is to get you independent of me to where your life is, that you're seeking God, you're trusting him with your life, life and you're moving on all the adult milestones of what it looks like to become that adult too, but they're going to assume our fear. If we have that fear, they will assume that that will become part of their life too.

Gianina: 23:36

That's so good, because I do tend to struggle with fear, particularly when it comes to Kingston, and I've noticed in his younger years or like, let's just use this season as an example, we're in the middle of tornado season right now, and so we have like crazy weather every other day and I get so terrified. And even when Kingston was younger, I remember one time we got stuck on a Ferris wheel at a carnival and they had like three or four different carnival attendants that were trying to get us down because it was starting to tip and we ended up having to jump out of it and somebody having to catch us. It was just a nightmare. But anyways, kingston really wasn't scared until I started panicking and then, as soon as I started panicking, he's like terrified. And so it is such a good reminder and eye opening to think about.

Gianina: 24:31

If I can't trust God with Kingston's life and he sees that, because our kids do see those things when we have those fears, whether we think they can or not, and how is he going to trust God with his life? I feel like I just had a mind blown that moment. So this will probably be one of those defining things that I can look back on and really ask myself like, okay, I need to trust God with his life because I want him to be able to trust God with his life.

Carrie: 25:01

Can I just tell you it is very freeing too, because we weren't meant to carry that weight. But that weight is attached to you until you let it go and you gain freedom when you fully trust God with your kids and trust his authority over their life just as much as you trust his authority over your life, and they'll see that peace. And really one of the hardest things it is is to look in your adult child's face and see fear and see anxiety and see stress, because they learned so much right. They form their lives based off of a lot of the example that we give them or they'll do. They make a vow to never be like us. So it's two ways it can go. They'll either bow to be like you or they'll bow to be completely unlike you, and really what we want them to see is Jesus in us, and then that vow right is that they see him in us, and that's the vow that they're making is I want that peace that my mom has.

Gianina: 26:01

That's good, that's really good.

Gianina: 26:03

Well, one of the things that I wanted to ask you about and this is from reading your book you talk about your volunteer work with Samaritan's Purse and how you really get to be with people in the midst of some of the biggest tragedies, and I would love just to hear your perspective of when you see people go through these things.

Gianina: 26:25

I know some people probably do have that kind of like fear and doom and just uncertainty of what they're going through, and others probably do have more of a peace. That you talk about is how, regardless of your circumstance, how not to be a victim and how to really overcome and choose really like the title of your book who you want to be, what direction you want your life to go, and I can see that so much just in what you've shared, even from finding out that you were pregnant, you maybe not right away, but you made the decision of no, this isn't going to be my story, this is going to be my story and choosing that. So I would love for you to just share a little bit about kind of your observations, maybe a little bit about the work that you've done with Samaritan's Purse or if there's other things that you've done with, like the wildfires, what that experience is like, and some things that you've observed, maybe with different people.

Carrie: 27:25

Yeah, it's so countercultural to like who I am. I'm a kind of like a textbook classic. You know, cross every, t dot, every. I introvert. So like the fact that I realized that God had given me a heart for people who were hurting in this capacity was pretty confusing to me. I was like I don't even hardly give people eye contact. You want me to show up in people's lives and talk to them about the level of pain that they're in? It was just very profound but also kind of cool at the same time, because I really saw every story in the Bible that was the least suspecting people that God used and that's really how he got glorified was the least suspecting people, not these well-spoken, charismatic, outgoing driven people. God didn't use them. He used the least suspecting, the least likely. So I love that part of the story for sure, and it's just been such a growth component for me too to choose like who you talk about, who you choose to be. I want to be effective for the kingdom, but I really can't be that if I keep claiming this person who doesn't give eye contact, who doesn't talk to people, who is shy, all those things. I have to choose that why? Because what matters to God matters to me, in order to be present for people who are hurting. And for me that meant operating outside of my capacity, and what that meant was allowing God 100% in and authority to use me as a vessel for his kingdom to show people what it looks like to be Jesus.

Carrie: 28:59

It's one of the cool things about the Samaritan's Purse organization is, when you serve a family, in whatever capacity it is, if it's tornado or flood or fire, we, as volunteers, will meet with the homeowner and we pray for them. We stand in a circle and we pray for them and we say, hi, my name's Carrie, I'm from Nevada, and they're like, wow, and I'm in Florida, right. And so they're like, wow, you came all the way from Florida. And it's like, yeah, that's what Jesus does, right. And one of the disasters that we served on was a fire, and one of the things that didn't burn at this particular person's home was a Buddhist statue. And one of the things that we do for the people is we distribute them a Bible from Billy Graham. That is only a Bible. It's the type of Bible you can get that only Billy Graham has. It's broken down. It's got all of the topics that people typically think about, where you can look it up by topic and anxiety, and it'll reference all the verses that are and it's a really cool Bible Anyway. And so you distribute the Bible. And so we distributed the Bible to this one homeowner and he what? The Buddhist statue that didn't burn. And he goes thank you, he's all. My daughter will appreciate this. She's, she's a person of faith and and the uh, our, our team leader looks at the Buddhist statue and then he looks at the guy and he goes well, where are all your Buddhist friends? And it was Jesus who ascended upon this family that you know had lost everything.

Carrie: 30:33

Who we choose to be is Jesus. To people who are, you know, it's like the least suspecting, the least likely, and it's just such a tangible example. When you show people I have no reason to be here other than God moved on my heart to be here and to think about the magnitude of how that is for people. Some people are believers, they are Christians, and we do get to love on and serve them, but other people they're not, and we get to show them very tangibly what it's like to love them and serve them and say I'm sorry you're hurting and I love you, because God loves you, and I'm just here as a representative of him, to you know. However, I can provide you peace or comfort. That's what we do. It's a really. It's one of those things that I obviously never, ever imagined in my life.

Carrie: 31:19

But there was a book I read by Bruce Wilkinson. It's called the Dream Giver. It's a really short, small book. I highly recommend it to anybody and it's written in what's called an allegory form, and in the book it talks about the things that God has given us a desire for that we don't necessarily know at any given time until you start asking him what desires have you given me for my life? The way you made me for your kingdom, that I can be fruitful and show people who you are. And it was in that book that I was able to dialogue. Actually, we read it as a family to my husband and my youngest son. The other two were out of the house by then, but it was so unique to be able to go.

Carrie: 32:01

Oh my gosh, I really felt like God had given me a heart to serve people, love on people who were navigating natural disaster. But it just didn't make sense to me. I was like how is that even possible and then to bring it full circle and to actually do that. It's just been such an incredible blessing. It really was the precipice for writing my book, because the level of satisfaction that I experienced, that God had given me in that process of doing that particular act of service was so unique and unlike anything else I had experienced in life that I wanted other people to know what it's like. I mean, because I've been on incredible vacations and had great life experiences.

Carrie: 32:43

But this one hit differently. It hit a spot in my soul that I never even knew was like empty right, and I thought I think it would be tragic if I knew what that satisfaction was like and kept that to myself. And so I told God you've given me this revelation, not just for me. Like you want other people to experience this revelation to the satisfaction for me, you want other people to experience this revelation too, this satisfaction that you have on their lives too. And that's what birthed the book and the ongoing process of helping people understand that there's just so much more to this life that matters that is very countercultural to our faith, life that is so profound at the end of our days, right when we're standing before God and he's like what did you do with the time, with the talent, with the resources I gave you? This is one of those things that gives me confidence to stand there and hear well done, good and faithful servant.

Gianina: 33:35

Yeah, that's so good. And just even realizing, in the Bible, Jesus always met a need before he ministered to people in salvation. It was the feeding of the 5,000 or different miracles when he healed the man at the fountain and told him to get up and walk. You know, it's like he a lot of times. I think we, we want people to want God with like, well, just come to church. Just, you just should want God because you should want God, which they should. You know, but even Jesus was so kind and he, he just knew. If I show people the miracles and if I meet a need and meet them where they're at, then I can show them who I am like, meet the need first and then show who Jesus is through meeting that need. And so it's such a good reminder for us too is what Jesus did. He didn't just make Facebook posts and preach on a street corner or from a pulpit. He went and met people where they were and met their needs and then introduced them to himself.

Carrie: 34:47

Yeah, the man at the poolside at Bethesda is one of my favorite stories because he does ask him do you want to be well? And I think that's such a profound question. I've been going to school to become a biblical counselor and that's one of the first questions that we're encouraged to ask people who are wanting counseling Do you want to be well? Because a lot of people say they want to be well, but are they willing to go through the steps of what it takes to actually become well? Right, and he laid there for what? 38 years and he wanted to be well, but he just wasn't, you know, choosing what it took to to get there. And I do love God's patience and his kindness in that story so much.

Gianina: 35:33

Yeah, definitely.

Kiley: 35:35

So, Carrie, I obviously we know that trusting God isn't easy. We know it's something that we're supposed to do, but sometimes in that moment, we get on our own way. So what have you learned about surrendering control, and how do you handle moments when that doubt tries to creep in?

Carrie: 35:52

So I'm a holistic practitioner by career trait, and so I like to look at the whole picture. I think it's really helped me understand a lot of things, like to understand the end game of where we're going, like what we call our beam of seat judgment, which is our conversation with God. I think about each day as I get up and I'm praying and seeking God and reading the Word with the understanding of what the point is to my life and our lives as Christ followers. So I think about that conversation and I think about the activity that it takes to have that kind of fruitful conversation with God, where I do hear well done, good and faithful servant, and so like looking at the whole picture of whether it's marriage or health or family. I think it's important to understand the end game. Where are we trying to go? How are we trying to finish and finish? Well, because God created us as finishers, but he also created us to be fruitful and to glorify him. Right, that's our call is to glorify him in anything that we walk through in life, our job, whether it is a painful loss of a child or ushering our children off to adulthood, emptying our nest, that process of who we choose to be in that that glorifies him, whether it's painful or whether it's a joyful thing. We have a choice of how we respond to all of these challenges that we face in life, and understanding the whole picture of what it is that we're supposed to be doing and that conversation that we're supposed to have, and the fact that we're to glorify him in the process gives us some real, tangible feet to our day, because we can understand that we are called to be fruitful, we're called to be servants, we're called to love God, we're called to love others, we're called to make a difference. So understanding where we're going in this process has been a key, I think, contributor to how I choose to walk through life with that understanding of a bone of contention with me as far as Christians and my role in other people's lives who are Christian, who are believers, who are trying to walk this life out. I believe I'm called to encourage them in that process because I think the disservice that the church has to the believer is they don't even understand what the end game is. There's a whole lot of surviving. Even well-intentioned Christians are surviving instead of thriving because they don't understand their role in this world.

Carrie: 38:33

I remember sitting on the sidelines to a sporting event when my kids were younger and my husband is at one game and I'm at another game and one kid doesn't even have a parent at his game. I remember sitting there going, god, is this really what this life is about? Because this is the culture that I'm being told and sold that I'm to have my kids and these sports and these activities and doing these things Is this really what you want for my life? And it was when I started to unravel, good question to ask of me. Right, that was God who was saying good question to ask of me.

Carrie: 39:09

And so I think this is part of my mission is to make sure that people understand that the culture that the world is telling us and selling us is very different than what God said we're created to do. I try to encourage people in more of those things that truly matter for the end of days, like for all of eternity, for that conversation that we're going to all have with God one day, and I want people to hear the same thing. I want to hear which is well done, good and faithful servant. So understanding the whole picture is, I think, a very powerful component that we can have.

Kiley: 39:43

I think that there's so many people now that go through life thinking, okay, there has to be something different. We can't just be here to run on the hamster wheel over and over again, being rushed from here to here, and it's like what's the main purpose in all of this. So I think having that perspective definitely changes things and it makes you more aware of the things that you are doing, the things that you are spending your time on, the things that you're listening to, because, like you said, at the end of the day, it's about building the kingdom and it's about you doing what God has called you to do and bring other people to.

Gianina: 40:23

Yeah, I don't know if you've read this book, but I just got done reading the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn, and one of the things that I love that he talks about is when we get to heaven, we're going to get to do so many of the things that we long to do on earth, like travel and play baseball with our kids, and just there's going to be time for all eternity to do these things. We're going to have the new heavens and the new earth where and so this is a I don't know what that time's going to look like when we pass away and we're in the temporary heaven, but when we're after the resurrection and we're on the new earth, there's going to be so much time to do those things that we crave. Because I'm one of those people where I want to travel, I want to see all the things and do all the things, and you hear people that are like, well, you have to see this before you die, you only have a limited amount of time, and it's like, no, actually, well, we're going to get to do those things for all eternity, but the only thing that we can do right now that is temporary, that we won't get to do then is to bring people into the kingdom of God and so like how important that is and that has just been eye opening for me, because it's like I don't have to travel the world and see a billion places before I die, because I'll get to see those places after. But now my purpose is how do I it's like the whole saying make heaven crowded? How do I bring as many people with me as I can? So I really love that and I think one question I would love to ask you, carrie, is what would you say to somebody that's like I don't feel like I have a purpose, or maybe they feel like their purpose right now.

Gianina: 42:07

I had a friend one time that posted something on Facebook that was like I'm okay with the mediocre life, like what's wrong with mediocre life, you know, and that's okay as far as being happy where you're at. But I think there's so many people who don't realize they're made for more. It's like they think, well, like that's my pastor's job. Or Carrie, that's your job because God has called you to write and do missions, and Kylie, that's your job, you know, because you're doing this podcast, and so what would you say to somebody who doesn't think that they have more of a purpose than where they're at right now.

Carrie: 42:43

So there, as a believer, there is God's known will for our life, and then there's his discerning will. So his known will would be to love him, to love others, to make disciples. Right, that is our purpose. Love God, love others and make disciples. That's our job. So when people say I don't know my purpose, my response is love God, love others, make disciples. That's what we're here, that's what we're created to do. And then there's this discerning will which is do I take this job? Do I go on that vacation? Those kind of questions to ask.

Carrie: 43:13

So there's the lane of God's known will for our life love him, love others, make disciples. But then the other lane is, like the things that we don't even realize, that God put on our heart, necessarily because we're not asking him, we're not having that conversation with him. That says you know, when I said God, is there more to this life? There has to be more to this life, right? And or when I read that book and I realized that God had given me a desire to go help people who are navigating natural disaster, I think that is a purpose that I can have, should have, because God gave me the desire for it. If he gave me the desire for it, he's made a way for it. And I think when we're actually truly believing in what God's word says like in Ephesians 3, it says now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we can think, ask or imagine. That's not a mediocre life, in my opinion. I think that's the enemy that's keeping people content in a way that keeps them small and not effective for the kingdom. So I would call that person out. If they're a believer, I would say no, that's not what God's word says. God's word says now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could think, ask or imagine. So a person who is in that contentment of mediocrity isn't really thinking even in the realm of what God is capable of doing. And are they even asking God what do you want to do with my life? There's what I want to do with my life, which a lot of people are just lazy, right.

Carrie: 44:45

But when you're truly like thinking in the heavenly realm and the kingdom realm and the realm of what God desires to do through us, we would in our minds we probably wouldn't have enough energy for it. But it's not on our energy, it's not on our capacity, it's outside of our realm, of our thinking. It's more than we can think about. It's more than we could even ask you, even talk about eternal life and that time.

Carrie: 45:09

There it's really hard to wrap our brain around because we have finite minds that cannot understand the concept of what eternity of glorifying God would look and feel like, because we can barely operate at that glory at this level. Think about what we can't even ask or imagine. That's what heaven is going to be like, and I think it's tragic. And I think the more people like yourselves and like myself who are out there proposing these questions and asking these powerful questions and getting people to see there is in fact so much more to this life and yes, it's fleeting and it's short and we're not promised tomorrow, but by golly I want to get it right. I want to make sure that where we all go is the same and that we're not in this comfortable place, but we're in this more than we could think, ask or imagine space every single day of our lives.

Gianina: 46:02

Yeah, and so if you have someone that is like, okay, I know God has called me to more and I have a passion for helping people, what do I do now? So like, for example, with you, you realized, okay, god's given me a heart for people who are going through some really tough times, how did you kind of go from that to volunteering with Samaritan's Purse or other organizations that you volunteered with? Like, how, how do you find those opportunities? I guess, because I think sometimes as Christians especially if we're in ministry in any capacity it's kind of like you wait for somebody to notice that you're good at this thing, or you wait for somebody to give you an opportunity to do something that you feel like God has called you to do, or you try to knock down doors that maybe you're not ready to open yet. So, like, what's kind of the balance there? How did you take that step?

Carrie: 47:03

So we have this mechanism at the back of our brain. It's called the reticular activating system and it's very powerful to have our brain acknowledged because our brain will look for ways to make things true. And that's just kind of a science-y explanation about how our brain works, right. And then there's the things that God has for us. So when I was writing my book and I wanted to just steward it well, I hired a coach, and just a Christian coach, and I said help me get this in the hands of as many people as, whatever I can do, I want to steward this word well, right. And one of the things that she had me do was to write a list of 40 things that, if time and money were no object, that I had a desire to do, that would be meaningful, meaningful things like for the kingdom, and like, if you can't get to 40, or even a 30, you have like a blocked flow. And God doesn't want you to have a blocked flow, right, he wants you in full clarity, because the Bible says where there is no vision, the people will perish. He has a vision for us and we have to ask him what that is. We have to put it down, pen to paper and it was a very tangible thing that I could do and go okay. So, god, you're limitless, so I don't want to be limited by my limits. I want your limitless, so I want what's possible with you. I think that you've given me a heart for X, Y and Z, and I just kept writing things out and you'd be amazed how many things in that, since 2019, that have actually happened. That might not have ever happened, because I dialogue them with God and I said you're the provider of money, you're the provider of money, you're the provider of time, you're the provider of the ability. You're going to make the way right.

Carrie: 48:44

And so it was powerful to put pen to paper so that my mind would actually look for ways to make those things true, because we do have a role. We have a tangible role. Food doesn't fall from the sky. Right. Jobs don't occur out of nowhere. We have a role. We have to have an active role in the faith. That's what faith is. It's stepping out even when we can't see it.

Carrie: 49:07

It's seemingly impossible, and that's where God works. Is the seemingly impossible. And so it's so powerful to dialogue with God and say I think you've given me a heart for this. I might be wrong, I might be right, but if you want to make a way you're the way maker then make a way, and I'm your servant and I'm your vessel and use me for your kingdom. So it's a very powerful thing to ask God what do you want to do with my life? And then give me the courage and the boldness to walk this out. And it's incredible what he will actually do when we believe what his word says he desires to do in and through us. Like have the audacity to not just read God's word but believe God's word and then believe that he is capable of more than we could think, ask or imagine.

Gianina: 49:54

Yeah, that's so good. And even realizing that it doesn't matter what age you are, you know, start where you're at. Like I am getting closer to 40 and sometimes I'm like did I waste my best years? Did I not do enough? And it's just encouraging to remember okay, as long as I still have breath and as long as God still has me on this earth, there's a reason. And whether I'm 38 or 58, if I still have breath in my lungs, there's something that I can be doing and a purpose that I can be fulfilling.

Carrie: 50:29

So, yeah, and you know what that's a lie from the enemy by the way, that you're believing that you've missed out on parts of your life. Don't live that way. Don't live in shame or regret. You're accountable for what you know. So what you know now you're accountable for.

Carrie: 50:45

But the enemy wants to keep you in a place of wishing and wanting and regret. And that's not from God, right? That's not who he is. That's not his perfect love for us. That's not who he is. That's not his perfect love for us. He gives us the desires of our hearts and we are to be attentive to those things that he's put in our path. Right? We're to be stewards of what is in our path and to seek him and trust him and say, okay, god, what's in my path today? What disciple can I make today? Like, just do the next right thing, not looking at the rearview mirror. Lot's wife didn't go well for her when she looked back.

Carrie: 51:22

Do not look back and wish or regret that you had done things differently. You just keep looking forward every day. The next right thing, god, what can I do for you, for your kingdom? That's fruitful. That shows people who you are, that is living by example. For my kids. That's being an example for other people who are kingdom minded. Just keep me fruitful, keep me focused, keep me honoring and loving you. That's the tip.

Kiley: 51:50

So good.

Gianina: 51:50

Yes, that was definitely really good. So I would love, if you don't mind, Carrie, if you would pray for our listeners today, and specifically if you could pray for people who feel like either they don't have a purpose and or they don't know what that purpose is, or somebody who does have those big, god sized desires and dreams but doesn't see how it's possible. How is this something that God can actually fulfill through my life? And so maybe they're discouraged in that way.

Carrie: 52:24

So, Father, God, we just love you. We are so grateful that you have chosen us and we know that there's nothing that is lost on you for how you desire us to walk out our days. God, you don't keep secrets from us. You don't keep your plans from us. We know that everything that you have for us is scripted out in your word, lord, and we just we trust you with your word. We know it's true, we know it's love, we know it's light to our path, god, and we know that you have incredible plans for us to prosper and not harm, but to give us that hope and that future. Lord and Lord, we just pray that you would continue to give us each a spirit of your love, of your patience, of your gentleness and of your kindness, with the mindfulness that we are to be fruitful, each and every day that we want to stand before you, god, with a conversation where you are pleased and you are saying well done, good and faithful servant. Lord, would you just show us what those things are that you have for us, those discerning wills that you have over our lives? Lord, we know that we are to love you and that we are to love others and that we are called to make disciples. And beyond that, lord, if there are lanes of this life that you have for us as a platform to show other people who you are, god, we just pray that you would give us the courage and the boldness to walk those things out and that you would not hide those plans from us. That's not from you. You're not a hider. You are an exposer. You show us the things that you have for us, lord. So we trust you to show us, to reveal to us those things that you have for our lives. And, Lord, we just ask for the boldness and the courage that it's going to take. We know it's very countercultural to what our world is saying to think and feel and experience and do, God. But we want to honor you, we want to honor the plans that you have for us and we trust that you will show us what those things are, lord. And we will be patient, lord. We will be patient with your time and your way of revealing what those things are. We're not going to have a spirit of discouragement or defeat in our time and our way.

Carrie: 54:30

If it's next week, if it's next month, if it's next year, Lord, we know that eventually you will continue to show us those things that you have for us, in your time and in your way, according to your will. Lord, we are just so grateful that you've called us, that you've chosen us, that you've equipped us and that you've given us the ability we have everything we need, lord, right here, today and now, to walk out the plans that you have for us, and we trust you to do that, lord, and we just thank you for giving us that spirit of not a fear or timidity, but of bold and sound mind that you've given us, lord, and we just thank you for that. So, God, I'm just trusting and believing that every heart and ear that will receive this message from this message on this podcast, lord, that you will continue to embolden them for things that you have for their lives, and we love you, we thank you and we praise you in your precious and mighty name, Jesus, amen.

Gianina: 55:26

Amen, amen. One thing I want to add to that just a little bit, as you were praying, that I was reminded of is the people that are going to hear those things from God. You have to be spending time with God. You can't just ignore him and go about your day and expect him to tap you on the shoulder and be like, hey, this is what I want you to do.

Gianina: 55:48

The people that we tell our secrets to are the people that we have the closest intimate relationships with and are close friends, and so if we want the Lord to speak to us in that way, we have to be a friend of His and spend time with Him and have that intimacy with Him, because we're not going to know His desires if we're not spending time with Him. So I just want to encourage anyone who's listening to you, like, if you feel like God isn't speaking to you or you feel like you don't know what you're supposed to do number one, spend time with Him. Number two, read your Bible, because that's how we get to know God, that's His Word, and so those two things, if you want God to share His heart with you, those are things that we have to be doing too.

Carrie: 56:34

Absolutely.

Kiley: 56:36

Well, Carrie. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story with us today. It's such a reminder that, even when we don't see it, God really is in the waiting. He's in the valleys, and he's in those moments that we least expect. If this episode encouraged you, we would love for you to share it with a friend who needs to hear this message of hope. Also, if you could just take a minute to leave a review, it helps us spread the hope of Jesus even further. Your support means the world to us, and we can't wait to walk through more powerful stories together. Until next time, keep walking, keep trusting and know that you are never alone.