Walk Through Podcast
The Walk Through Podcast shares authentic stories of navigating life’s valleys & victories, highlighting how we find God in the midst of every season of life. Co-hosted by Gianina and Kiley, each episode offers hope and inspirations through real, raw & faith-filled conversations.
Walk Through Podcast
Finding Light in Loss: Anna's Story Part 2
Loss changes us in ways we can never prepare for. When Anna's vibrant, 72-year-old mother was unexpectedly diagnosed with glioblastoma and passed away just 90 days later, it forced her to reckon with profound questions about faith, hope, and what healing truly means.
"I had so much hope," Anna reveals through tears. "I legitimately thought God was going to heal her." The raw honesty with which she describes the exhaustion of maintaining hope, the complicated emotions of caregiving in her mother's final days, and the anger that followed creates a sacred space for anyone navigating grief to feel understood.
What makes Anna's testimony so powerful isn't just her vulnerability about pain, but her ability to recognize grace within it. From having that final Christmas together to witnessing her mother open her eyes for Anna's daughter one last time, these glimpses of mercy amid tragedy demonstrate how light continues breaking through our darkest valleys.
Perhaps most beautiful is Anna's description of sitting "knee to knee, face to face" with Jesus in the hurricane of grief. "Keep your eyes on me," she heard Him say. "Don't look away. I'm right here." This image, along with her metaphor of supportive friends who circle protectively like elephants around a vulnerable herd member, offers a profound picture of how we survive our deepest sorrows.
For those wondering how to support grieving loved ones, Anna offers wisdom born from experience: "Not trying to fix it is a really good starting point." Instead of platitudes like "everything happens for a reason," she suggests simply acknowledging the pain: "It just sucks, and I hate it, and I'm sorry."
Whether you're walking through grief yourself or walking alongside someone who is, this episode reminds us that healing often comes slowly through worship, community, and ultimately, God's timing. As Anna beautifully puts it, "Nothing is permanent with God except for Him."
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Welcome back to Walk Through. If you joined us for part one of Anna's story, you know just how powerful her journey has been so far. In that episode, we heard about the beginning of her walk through grief, faith and unexpected turns life can take. Today, in part two, we're continuing that conversation, diving even deeper into the moments that tested her faith, the people who walked alongside her and the unexpected ways God showed up in the valley. If you're walking through something hard right now, this is for you. You are not alone. Let's step back into Anna's story and see how the light kept breaking through. Let's dive in. Well, I would love, Anna I know that this season particularly has been more of a difficult season for you and your family and just some of the things that you've walked through this season. If you are open to it and if you'd be willing, I would love for you just to share what that has looked like.
Anna:Yeah, well, my mother passed away February 17th of 2025 this year and I was devastated. I mean, I wasn't devastated, I am devastated. It hasn't been easy to figure out life without having my parents, because I lost my dad and so I'm an orphan and that's been really hard to navigate life without my person. But, yeah, I was her baby. My sister is 12 years older than me. We were really close. She was a single mom, so happy, obviously, that I was born. It wasn't like a bad accident, but you know, she supported me through all like my musical adventures and every crazy like garage band that I was in, even when we were absolutely horribly awful and practiced in our garage like literally garage band.
Anna:And you know she, she showed up to every gig, every show, every gig, every event, and I relied on her for a lot of my well, just support, for, you know, for confidence, for she was kind of like my cheerleader and even recently, you know, she would come to church or, if she couldn't make it to church, she would always watch online when I would lead worship and she also supported my fitness studio venture, Like she would come to class. She was 72 this year. So you know she, she saw me and she believed in me when nobody else did and, um, yeah, so she, she was also, like, really famous for her fried pies. I don't know if you have you ever had a fried pie, Kiley.
Kiley:I have not have, you have you, janina?
Gianina:I don't know that I have not. Have you. Have you, Gianina? I don't know that I have. Actually, I've been in the South for so long, but I don't think I've ever had one.
Kiley:I mean I've had like. I've had like the apple pies from McDonald's. I don't know if that's.
Anna:Oh my goodness, no, that's nothing like it. Oh my goodness. So it's like it's like pie, like dough, but it's homemade pie dough. And then you just like make a little circle and then she would put the filling inside it and then crimp it down with like a fork and then you literally deep fry it and yeah, it's anything like that. Deep fried is so good, but anyway, yeah it, and she was. She was so good at that. Um, she was so good at so many things.
Anna:You, you know, I'm kind of a hippie and so my mom raised me that way. She's kind of that way too, and she's just different. And she raised me to be different and just always accepted me and really pushed me to be different. I'm from a really small town, and sometimes in a small town in the South everybody kind of wants to be the same and I was kind of the weirdo kid and at first it was, it was difficult, but now I'm like, yes, I'm so glad I was different.
Anna:But I we lost her in February from glioblastoma and it was like a complete surprise. It was an accident. She went to the doctor for something totally different. She didn't even have any symptoms really that we knew of yeah, there's this huge, massive pear sized tumor on her frontal lobe and it just it shocked us and she died 90 days from the—exactly. I counted it up, I actually Googled it, but 90 days from the day it was discovered to the day she died. Man, that's one I'm dealing with still, of course, because it's so fresh, but it was a very short battle and I had so much hope. I legitimately thought that God was going to heal her. And I know glioblastoma is like a massive, aggressive terminal cancer. You can do treatments and things like that. It's going to come back. I don't know. I had this thought that God was just going to heal her and I prayed for it, we prayed for it, we prayed for it and God did. You know, we had so many different miracles, like she, after her surgery, she was just she was not waking up. And then she woke up, you know, and that was like everyone was so surprised, the doctors and neurologists. They were like, oh, we need to put her on palliative care, hospice, she's going to die. And then she woke up and then we were able to have Christmas with her and that was such a blessing. And then after Christmas, her health just started to deteriorate and really her tumor had started to grow back that quickly and so that was just it. Within three days of putting her on hospice, she was gone.
Anna:I became such a caregiver that, like not helping her, giving her oxygen when I knew her oxygen was low and giving her her seizure medication when I knew it was due and I know from your, you know knew it was due. And I know from your, you know from your episode, I'm sure you know about seizure medication and things like that how important it is to take it at the right time every day. And you know those were things I had to think about all the time. And helping her get to the restroom, and those are all things that she didn't do before this tumor. We found it and so we went into the doctor, found the tumor, resected it and she was a completely different person.
Anna:So when it was time for her to pass away, not doing those things, I just felt so wrong. It felt like we were killing her. You know, like there's a fine line between letting someone pass and then killing her, and like like there's a fine line between letting someone pass and then killing her, and like that was something that I just could not. I could not figure out. You know my brain. I feel like, oh, I know her oxygen is dropping, let's give her more. Oh, her, you know she's spiking a fever, let's give her more, let's give her something for that. And, honestly, those are things that just happen when someone dies, and so that was really hard for me as her caregiver, yeah, and as her daughter, I mean that's yeah.
Gianina:I couldn't imagine being in that situation, you know? Yeah.
Anna:And then now, I think the emotion I'm feeling right now is just bitterness, not towards her or God, just mad, just because she was so happy and vibrant, and you know, just, and then, just one day, it's oh, by the way, you have this tumor and it's, you know, it's, it's a really bad, it's the worst kind of cancer you can possibly have. And you have it and, um, you know, and that was just such a shock, I mean I can remember Janina was at her house and I was like Janina, I don't know Mom's been acting a little different and you know, we thought maybe she had a UTI and she was being confused, and so, and then we took her to the doctor for a UTI, and she did have a UTI and I guess, just to be on the safe side, they did a CT scan and there it was. You know I'm thankful that it was found, because if it hadn't been, if there was so much pressure in her brain, she probably wouldn't have lived very much longer, and then we wouldn't have been able to have her for Christmas, we wouldn't have been able to have her for a longer period of time. But yeah, I guess I find myself being angry when, like one of my friends recently their mother had a birthday and she turned 80 and she was like, oh, we're going to have this party and yada, yada, yada. And I'm just over here like mad, not at her or her precious mother, I'm just like man, I wanted to have that. You know she was really close to our. You know she lived with us, she had a little apartment in our basement and she was really close to my kids and my family.
Anna:So it's, it's been like super hard for us and so I've definitely pulled away from God a little and I felt myself trying to anyway, and I kind of feel like I don't know. I mean, I know you guys have kids and do you know, like when your kids were toddlers and they were just overtired and pouty and just whiny and they were upset and they had all these emotions, but they didn't really know how to express it yet because they're toddlers. And I kind of feel like that's how God is looking at me right now. He's like, hey, I know you're hurting, I'm going to let you feel this, but he's standing there, you know, like, hey, I'm here, I'm going to be here for you. I know you have to feel these things and that's kind of what I feel like.
Anna:I feel like I'm in the toddler phase. I feel like I'm in this. I have all the emotions I don't know how to express it phase of this grief, and, yeah, it's kind of like he's keeping me safe. But while I have these random, out of nowhere emotions, like when I hear song or I do something, and I want to call mom and say hey, mom, you'll never believe this, and, like there's been so many times, I want to pick up my phone because we talked all day long. I would call her and say you'll never believe what this kid just said.
Anna:And like recently there was one and one of my kids said miss Anna, can you milk a buffalo out of the blue, just out of the blue in math class, miss Anna, can you milk a buffalo? And I was like I have no idea and I wanted to call my mom instantly and go mom, can you milk a buffalo? And I couldn't, you know. And then that made me mad, and so I'm just I know there's all these phases and all these emotions and things that I'm going to feel and I don't feel alone in them and that's, that's what's important.
Gianina:Yeah, and I'm glad that you're allowing yourself to feel those things and to go through those things and just be honest with yourself about it, because I think that shows, if I can say the word, maturity because that seems like a weird word to use in this situation of grief Like it's just, I guess, wise, it's a wisdom that God has given you to know. Okay, this isn't going to last forever, but this is what I'm feeling right now and I'm going to allow myself to feel those things.
Anna:Yeah, old Anna would have got a bottle of wine every day and pouted and cried and felt sorry for myself and really done something stupid. You know, like I can look back and see my progress and that that definitely makes me feel better, that that I'm not going back to those, to that, to that old life and that old way of thinking, and and I, instead of turning to that bottle of wine, I'm turning to the Lord and um and it's.
Anna:You know, it's not easy to go through these thoughts and these emotions, but, gosh, drinking that bottle of wine would not make anything better, and God does you know, and it's just, it's amazing to have a God that has so much faithfulness, and it's, it's just, it's such a comfort and a peace in the middle of like a storm you know yeah.
Kiley:Well, and I love that you're able to remember, not necessarily focus on, because you you want to experience all of it. You don't want to suppress the hurt that you're feeling or the anger that you're feeling, but the fact that you were able to recognize how many blessings you got out of it. And I'm sorry this hits really close because we had some really close family members pass away from the same thing and it's just an awful, awful thing to go through. But we were able to see moments through their stories that we were able to focus on, that were still positive. And it's those ones that you want to kind of cling to because you know you were able to be there for her. As in you know, I don't think anybody, as as a child, wants to be the caretaker for their parent, but the fact that you are close enough to be able to be that for her, um, you know that's huge in itself because there's some people that are not that that close to their family members that they're not able to do something like that. You know the fact that she was able to have that last Christmas with you guys.
Kiley:It is always amazing to me how, when somebody goes in with no symptoms whatsoever, and then they get this diagnosis and it's just bam. You know, it's like how is it? Just because I was officially diagnosed, and now everything's gonna go downhill, like why does it happen? But I just I think it was such a blessing for you guys to even have that time Because, like you said, if it hadn't have been diagnosed, she might not have had that time. And so you know, it's kind of like you, you deal with the cards or no you live with the cards, you've been dealt so and and and.
Kiley:So I think that you were given not a great hand, but, oh, you made the best out of what you had with it and, like Gianina said, this is not going to last forever. This pain isn't going to last forever, this hurt isn't going to last forever, and everything will be made right again. Yeah, and that's just something that we have to look forward to and something that we need to just focus on. Sorry, I got whooped.
Anna:Well, I mean, I prayed and prayed for her to be healed and you know she was healed and I was just actually I haven't even told you about this I was sitting on my porch and I was waiting for mom's dog. We have adopted, we didn't adopt, we ended up with my mom's little dog and we have a great dane and then we have mom's little like three-pound dog. So it's a crazy little dynamic that we have going on. So I was waiting for mom's dog to use her bathroom and I'm just sitting we live out in the country and I was just hearing all these noises and the crickets and all the things, or the frogs we have some bullfrogs out in our yard and by the creek and I can just hear all the things and it was so peaceful and it was so quiet and I just I was talking to the Lord. I was just like, lord, I need to hear from you. I need to hear from you. I need, like I need you right now. I need to hear you, like I need to hear your voice.
Anna:And, um, when, when I heard him, he said this is this time, this feeling that you're having.
Anna:What you don't understand is that this is only a little sliver of what is to come, and you and your mother and all the things that I have promised are going to come forth and you're going to know it, but you just don't understand it right now.
Anna:Think about all the things that I cannot humanly comprehend and that my mom's lifetime on this earth was probably just a little tiny, tiny, tiny little sliver of eternity, right?
Anna:And so I just it's hard for me to comprehend time, and I think that's what God was saying, like, you guys here on earth have no idea what time and what this eternity is going to be like. And that gave me comfort, because here I am, mourning my mom not being with me, but to know that there's something so much greater, something so great in fact, that I can't even fathom it or comprehend it or even picture it really Something bigger than what I'm feeling right now. And it did give me peace and I feel a lot better from that moment. But, yeah, if you just take the time and listen, I think God is speaking, and a lot of times I have so much noise in my head that it's hard for me to hear. I had to go out there and hang out with the bullfrog head that it's hard for me to hear I had to go out there and hang out with the bullfrog.
Gianina:Yeah, I just was reminded of the verse that says hope deferred makes a heart sick. And I think a lot of times what we do when we pray is our hope almost is in the healing, or our hope is in our faith or in our prayers, and that's when those things aren't answered. It makes our heart sick and that's when we hurt and we grieve. But when we learn how to put that hope in God, and that's so hard it's so hard because I've had so many of those moments where I'm praying so hard for something and then to say, okay, but even if I trust you.
Gianina:Even if this happens, I still choose to love you and I still choose to trust you. And it's so hard, but I think and this is a question that I have, and I don't have the answer to this, and I don't know that you have the answer or that there is a right answer but what do you do when you pray for something so hard and you believe for something and you have that faith? I mean, really, you had tons of people rallying behind you and praying with you and the faith was so strong. And then, when that doesn't happen, like what do you do in that situation?
Anna:Well, at first my natural response is to just be angry, and I even shared this with you. I know I did because I had this thought of is hope even worth it? Because I spent all this time and there were times that I was literally the only person in my family that had hope, in my family that had hope when we had all these horrible things coming back. Oh, the cancer's back. Oh, she's having seizures, oh, they're just focal seizures. Oh there's this. There were all these ups and downs. It was a roller coaster, but I always had hope.
Anna:And then when she woke up from being so because she had to be when you're having seizures, one of the things that they have to do is give you so much medication to stop the seizures, and she was on so much medication to stop her seizures that we just didn't think she was ever going to be able to wake up without having a seizure. And so you know when she did and she baffled everyone. And actually I remember when she was in the ICU and the nurses are coming in and saying and actually I remember when she was in ICU and the nurses are coming in and saying you're just not understanding. And I said you are going to walk in here and you're going to witness a miracle and I hope you're ready.
Gianina:And.
Anna:I actually said that. And then the next day she woke up and I was like whoa, this happened. And then, so I guess, because that happened, I just thought, ok, ok, this is going to happen, she's going to be okay. And then, when it didn't, I was just like wow, it didn't happen. And then I just couldn't fathom. You know, I was exhausted from having all that hope. I think hope is exhausting, praying and believing, and just, you know, you're kind of in triage mode. You're like, okay, what do I need to do? Okay, does she take her medicine? Okay, are her clothes clean? Okay, does she have the right kind of food? You know cause, she had it. You know, she, she was on like an eating schedule.
Anna:There were so many things that it never occurred to me in some of those moments that she was not going to live. I mean, I knew eventually she was going to die. I knew that it was going to happen. I knew that her cancer was a bad one. But I thought, okay, we've got a year, maybe we've got two years. And you know when it didn't happen. I was just angry. The other day, on the porch, god was just telling me that, hey, she is healed. You wouldn't want her there. You wouldn't want her there. You wouldn't want her there suffering in this body, with this tumor, with this lingering, just even, just if she didn't have the tumor, even if she was just here waiting for our earthly self to die and be with Jesus. And she's already there, like that's done. Why am I so angry that you know that she, that she got to be finished?
Gianina:And um that's hard.
Anna:It's hard for me here on earth because I want my mama. Who doesn't want their mama? And you know, I'm I'm 40 years old and I, my mom, lived with me and I have to say, you know she lived in our basement and I have to like clarify that I did not hold her hostage in the basement, like she had her own place.
Anna:Um, but yeah, I mean, I I need, I need her and it's just gosh. It's been so hard because you know we've been together all of our lives and she's because you know we've been together all of our lives and she's such a big part of who I am.
Kiley:It's so hard because when we experience these, when we experience these losses in our lives, you know, like you said, it is exhausting to have hope. It's exhausting to just keep praying and praying and praying and then have it ultimately not seemingly not resolved or be resolved here. But one thing that I have come to realize is that they are healed and he, he has taken care of them. He has answered our prayers. It's just not in the way that we were wanting. Right, His ways are better than ours. He has bigger plans than we do, and when we've had multiple people in our lives pass away I would say within the last 10 years some of them, I think, a majority of them actually being from cancer and in those times we're praying for that loss. But I know that they're fine. So I think you're absolutely right.
Kiley:You know God has taken care of your mom. She is good and she's made whole. She is exactly where she needs to be right now. But I think that's the part where that's the whole reason why we were doing this podcast is so that you know that you have people surrounding you and you're not walking this alone and that God is with you and it sucks to not have your mom, I'm sure. Yeah, I can't. I can't imagine that my mom is still alive, but she's in another state, so I don't see her every day. We talk through text message but I can't imagine how it would be to have that happen, and so I just think if you just keep reaching out to people, let them experience that grief with you but know that she is okay.
Anna:Yeah, yeah. That definitely makes me feel more at peace and it definitely softens the anger that I have from time to time, you know, and I am thankful for the time that I did have with my mom and for the relationship that we had, cause not everybody has that you know, not everybody can say that their mother lived in their basement. Not everybody can say that their mother lived in their basement.
Gianina:I think you're the one that shared that quote, that said something along the lines of grief is just love that has nowhere to go, and it's like just thinking about as much as it sucks.
Gianina:in a way, grief is a gift because it means that we had something that we loved so much that we're grieving it Because, like you said, not everybody has that. In a way, like I think about people who numb their pain when they are going through things like that, I would rather feel it and experience that and know that I'm working through it and, in a way, remember that person than to just numb it with something else. Yeah, yeah.
Anna:You're totally right, and if it's like you're not grieving, then it's like you're not even remembering them, you know. I mean it's a good side. If you're grieving, it's a good thing? Yeah, it's not, but it is, you know.
Anna:it means that it means that you loved the person and and that, you know, I so, in a way, I don't want to stop grieving because then it means that that that love might be fading or not love, but that I don't want her to fade, and so I want to make sure that she is remembered. My family, thankfully with her tumor, my kids I was so worried about my kids because my kids were so close to her, especially my daughter, and because she lived in our basement in the summertime. She pretty much stayed down there all the time. She slept down there, she hung out with mom, they watched movies together.
Anna:My mom took her everywhere she went, you know, and my daughter, Avery, was just her little buddy, and so I was so worried and I think that that's one reason why she fought so hard is because she wanted to be able to tell Avery, to be able to talk to her, to be able to give her time. Yeah, when she was dying she didn't want to open her eyes, but she did when Avery came down there and that just made my heart so happy. I think that Avery and my kids really mourned my mom after she had that resection and she just wasn't waking up. So I think that they had time to understand that process, and so I am thankful for that. It wasn't just boom, my mom is no longer here. I think that would have been gosh. That would have been so much worse.
Kiley:Yeah, yeah, here. I think that would have been gosh. That would have been so much worse. Yeah, yeah, for someone listening who is walking through a similar valley right now. What would you say to them to encourage them?
Anna:I would say that nothing is permanent with God except for Him. Sometimes that's the only thing that can keep the light in the room when it's dark, because sometimes there's like a whole hurricane around you. And there's a song that I was a part of writing and it says here we Are Again, knee to Knee and Face to Face, and there have been times where you know, when you're about to have a serious conversation with someone, I find myself knee to knee, face to face. Okay, it's just me and you.
Anna:And that song came from some really dark times when there were so many bad things circling around me and I could feel it like I'm in the hurricane, like I'm in the eye of it, and I could see all these things happening and if I looked away, I might get caught up in that bad thing that's happening. But God, just he put me there and I could just sit there with Jesus and look at him in his face and he would just say, hey, keep your eyes on me, don't look away. I'm right here, look at me, don't look around, just look at me and that's it. I mean really that picture got me through each day and just my circle.
Anna:God gave me this community and you know I had a lot of trust issues, as we talked about earlier, and I didn't have a lot of friends. Gianina says that she's the extrovert and I'm the introvert and the extroverts just adopt introverts and that's kind of what happened, because I don't really have a lot of close friends because of the trust thing, you know, and I'm so thankful for the friends in my circle and I can tell her things that I am ashamed of, that are, that are cringy, that are gross and I know she's not going to judge me and I would just encourage anyone listening that if you're going through a tough time, obviously you need to be sitting knee to knee and face to face with Jesus on a regular basis because, like I said, you know God is the only thing that's permanent.
Anna:So all these things that are circling around, they're going to fade and then lean on your friends that are in your circle. And there's this cool thing I don't know if you guys have seen it or heard about it, and I just saw a video about it. I don't know what zoo it was now I can't remember, but in the wild female elephants will circle up, like they'll back up and form a circle, yeah, like when a mother gives birth, and then sometimes they'll like kick up dust to just mask the calf scent and sometimes they'll just circle up to celebrate. And there's this video that I saw and it happened in the zoo, um, and in their elephant sanctuary area, and it was so cool because there was an earthquake in san diego. Yeah, did you see it?
Kiley:I did, I did. Oh, that was so cool, it's amazing.
Anna:These creatures are so amazing, and I think that that's what we need. We need that circle, and I have no doubt that this circle of friends that I have is small, but God put each and every one of them in my life and I know that they would circle up around me and that's so important to find that community and those resources like we talked about. You know, it's just, it's all detrimental, nothing's permanent except for God, and that everything's just temporary, and these are all seasons and things are going to change, and but God won't. And that's what I, that's what I hold on to when I'm feeling all the things, and, of course, I call Gianina.
Gianina:I'll just put my phone number in the comments of this video and everybody can just, you know, just give me a call.
Kiley:I think the lesson is to find yourself a Gianina who will go circle around.
Anna:She doesn't let me.
Anna:My natural instinct is to just be alone, because introverts they recover being alone, and she doesn't let me retreat into that bad place.
Anna:I mean, obviously she's not calling me every minute and going, but she texts on me and it's almost like she's got calling me every minute and going but she texts on me and she is almost like she's got this instinct, or maybe even God tells her because I'm thoroughly convinced that he does because in the moments that she texts me or calls me, it's usually in a moment where I needed her to and I just didn't reach out. And so I that that always gets me in trouble, retreating into myself and hiding and dissociating, and that just opens up, like this wound, this space that the enemy can crawl into. And that's when those thoughts happen, that's when those OCD thoughts happen, that's when I start to second guess myself and start to have negative self-talk. Second guess myself and start to have negative self-talk and all those things can sneak in and fester and can be a cancer to my mental health and to my heart. And I'm so thankful for that. And yeah, nobody else can have my Gianina but you, Kiley.
Gianina:So well, let me ask this because I know Kiley had some friends who had asked us to ask some of our guests this question. When they're dealing with things, is what does that practically look like? Like the elephant thing? What does that practically look like in your friend circle? If somebody has a friend who is grieving or going through a difficult time, what does it look like for somebody to be there for them in an effective way?
Anna:Well, I think not trying to fix it is a really good starting point, like G has never once tried to just take it away, and I think, just listening, and sometimes not even talking about it at all, I mean I crave so much normalcy, like we went and hung out and we got, you know, we got a pedicure, and that's not something that we do very often. I don't think we've ever done that together, like that was such a you know that felt normal, even though, like I said, we don't regularly do that and I think it was for my birthday. But just having these regular conversations, and then when I have a moment where I want to talk about it, she listens and she goes yeah, you know, and then she will encourage me a lot with scripture and basically just reassuring me that it's going to be okay, that it's a season and that, um, maybe just asking me about my mom, like what was so amazing about her, talking about her and not not the cancer, not the bad times, not the not that part.
Anna:That part's really hard and triggering, like I got all of my mom's medical equipment and like trashed them. I was like I do not ever want to see this again, and so that that's. And she, you know, she's just supportive. And she, you know, she's just supportive. What I think people's natural response is to say things like oh, she's in a better place. You know, everything happens for a reason. Oh gosh, that's the often one.
Anna:And you know, like I don't want to think that this happened for a reason, I don't want to think that my mom got cancer for a reason, Right, for a reason. I don't want to think that my mom got cancer for a reason. I mean, even if it was a reason, like I don't. I don't want someone that didn't know my mom very well anyway to tell me that.
Gianina:I think sometimes, literally, I just you'll tell me a situation and I'm like, yeah, that that really sucks. It just sucks, it's just, it's awful, and I hate it and I'm sorry, and instead of being like, well, I think it's because of this, and I think that you know, that's kind of the trying to fix it thing and trying to make you feel better, but honestly, sometimes it's like, well, it just it just sucks. And I hate it and I this. I hate death and I hate cancer and all of this just sucks.
Anna:You can't fix it. There is absolutely no fixing it Like it's, there's no fixing it. It will never be fixed. And it won't be fixed until I fully understand what it's like where my mom is right now and I I'm okay with that. I mean, like I said, you know grief, grief is, is good and it's bad. But like, yeah, just supporting, supporting without trying to fix it, is like is gold, you've got to do that, or you're just going to push, you're just going to, and I had so much guilt, like I wish I hadn't done this to mom, or I wish I hadn't said that, or I wish I would have done that, and then I would feel guilty for feeling how I felt.
Anna:I felt guilty for being mad and G's just over here going yeah, you know, it's okay to feel those things, like it's completely fine to feel it you know, and that makes me feel a lot better to know that someone is out there listening to me and understands what I'm going through and is not trying to fix me.
Anna:It's just listening to me and you know my husband wants to fix me and it's been really hard for him to support me, I think, because he just sees me hurt and crying and he just wants to take it away. And then G's over here knowing she can't take it away and I think that's just. That's a different kind of support, not that Jon's not supporting me, but I think she just understands in a different kind of way and I'm so thankful for that.
Gianina:Yeah.
Anna:Well, I love you. I love you G.
Gianina:I would love it, if you don't mind praying for our listeners, if there's anyone who's kind of going through that grief process or just I think specifically if there's anyone who just doesn't see a way out. They have that hurricane that's happening around them and they're just focused on all of the chaos and things happening rather than centering and focusing on Jesus, and maybe they don't even know how to do that. They don't know how to find His face.
Anna:If you don't mind praying for that person Of course, God, I just want to thank you for your faithfulness and your mercy, thank you for loving us when we don't know how to love ourselves, and thank you for the peace inside the storm.
Anna:I pray for the person who hears this and has something to let go of I mean really let go of, like something so strong and old that they think it's just part of who they are, and I pray that you would open up the way to show them who they are in your eye. I pray for the person who is just grieving and they don't. Maybe they don't know how to grieve, maybe they don't understand what's happening or what they're going through. What they're going through, but I pray that you would just lay your hand on them and just be that solid rock in the moment of chaos and lift them up and help this weight be weightless, and I pray that they would keep their eyes on you and that they would remember to just look at you whenever they feel that storm around them. Lord, I thank you so much for mothers and best friends and wounds that heal, and thank you for being that permanent thing in this temporary, awful existence sometimes that surrounds us. We love you.
Kiley:Amen, amen, amen. Anna, thank you so much. I'm so glad we got to do this. You just have a beautiful heart.
Anna:Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm so glad I got to meet you. I mean, you know, talk to you.
Kiley:We can now be the three best friends that anyone ever has had.
Anna:Yeah, you said reckon. I like that, that's great.
Kiley:What a powerful, powerful conversation. Anna's vulnerability, strength and faith are such a beautiful reminder that healing often comes slowly but surely through worship, community and God's timing, from a place of deep pain to a life rooted in purpose. Anna's story encourages us to trust the process and keep walking. If Emma's testimony touched your heart today, we'd love it if you'd share this episode with a friend. And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a story of hope in the Valley. Until next time, keep walking through.