Faithful Through the Rubble: How to Find God When You're Face Down in the Mess. Dana's Story

The moments that shatter our world often reveal the most about who God is and how He works in our lives. Dana Stewart's powerful journey through a decade of overwhelming challenges illuminates this truth in ways that will resonate with anyone who's ever felt broken by circumstances beyond their control.

"I remember feeling like a bomb had exploded and that bomb was my life," Dana shares. "And then somebody turned out the light." This vivid image captures just the beginning of her story – a cascade of losses starting with beloved family members, followed by her own mysterious medical emergency that led to a cancer scare, her father's dementia diagnosis, and ultimately her mother's sudden death that thrust her into the role of full-time caregiver.

What makes Dana's testimony so compelling isn't just the magnitude of her challenges, but the intimate way she experienced God's presence through them. When panic attacks left her unable to function and grief threatened to drown her, when her professional identity crumbled and uncertainty clouded every decision, she discovered something profound: God wasn't standing at a distance waiting for her to get up. He was lying right beside her in the rubble.

"I just kind of turned my head and recognized and realized like okay, hold on a second, you're not alone. God was with me on the ground with my face down," she recalls. This nearness of God amid suffering became her anchor, especially as she navigated the complexities of caring for her father with advancing dementia while still processing her own grief.

Dana's story offers wisdom for anyone walking through dark valleys – from learning to receive help with open hands instead of closed fists, to finding peace in surrender rather than control. Her journey reminds us that sometimes the most powerful prayer is simply "Be still," allowing God to fight battles we were never meant to face alone.

Whether you're currently weathering a storm or supporting someone who is, this conversation will remind you that even when the light seems completely extinguished, God's faithfulness remains. Subscribe now and share this episode with someone who needs to know they're not alone in their struggle.

Chapters

• 0:00 Dana's Journey Through Loss
• 4:36 Medical Crisis and Miracle
• 9:15 Dad's Disappearance and Dementia
• 13:26 Mom's Illness and Unexpected Death
• 22:48 Identity Crisis and Caregiver Role
• 29:17 Finding God in the Rubble
• 38:45 Letting Go and Finding Peace

Transcript

Kiley: 0:00

Hey friends and welcome back to Walkthrough. This is Kiley, and today I am so honored and privileged to sit down with a really good friend of mine, Dana Stewart. Dana's story is a powerful testament to God's faithfulness in the midst of long seasons of grief, loss, caregiving and identity shifts. Through 10 years of overwhelming challenges from crippling anxiety and panic attacks to the sudden loss of her mom and becoming a full-time caregiver for her dad with dementia Dana has learned to walk with God in the valleys and victories alike. Today she shares with us what it looks like to lean on God when she feels anything but steady. I know her honesty, strength and faith will encourage your heart, just like it has encouraged mine. Let's dive into Dana's story. Well, dana, welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm so glad that you are wanting to do this with us and we just appreciate you being here so much.

Dana: 0:52

Well, thank you. Thank you both for having me.

Dana: 0:54

I appreciate you listening and hearing what I have to say. You have shared that the past 10 years have been filled with a lot of loss and a lot of transition. Can you share a little bit about your story and your journey with the Lord and how that's looked?

Dana: 1:10

Sure, my husband and I we've been married almost 22 years and we had a really good first run 10 years. We were great, we were having so much fun, we were traveling, we were watching our friends get married, we're spending time together. But then we started kind of experiencing the things that sort of come as time goes on. You have life and people start to pass away, and it started initially with my grandmother. So my grandmother passed away about 12 years ago. She was really pivotal in my life and she was somebody that was very important to me and she was my last living grandparent. So when she passed, it kind of rocked me a little bit and I remember just feeling like this was the person like she loved me unconditionally. She just was a strong, faithful woman and I just I kind of knew that she was always there and then she wasn't. That started the downhill slide, of sort of like what we kind of call this past season. She passed away and then we lost my husband's mom, we lost my husband's dad, we lost our dog, which some people might think is like no big deal, but that just broke our hearts and it just kind of seemed to be sort of this never ending thing, and every year that would come around, we'd be like, okay, everybody's looking forward to New Year's, right? And I never was, because I was like what's going to happen next? You know, what are we going to have to deal with next? Then, 20, I guess it was 2016, december, so end of the year. We were coming home from a Christmas party and I basically like long story short I fell asleep in the car and I woke up in an emergency room with a teeny, tiny little nurse sitting on me and telling me I was okay because I was in the hospital and I had no idea what happened. I had no idea what was going on. I just looked at her and I said what happened and she said we don't know. She just kind of was looking at me with this look on her face. I happened to like look down, kind of like towards my feet, and I saw my husband and he had this look on his face that's seared in my memory and I'll never forget it. And it was just he. It was terror, he was terrified. And I just looked at him and I said what happened and he said we don't know. And he said we don't know. He said we don't know, we're trying to find out. And so I did this like little mini assessment. I said, well, I can talk, so okay, we're good, I can understand. Okay, we're good. And then I started moving my fingers and my toes. I'm like, okay, things are moving.

Dana: 3:47

I probably had a heart attack or stroke, like that was sort of my thought, and at the time I was early 40s. I wasn't in the range where that would be like a typical thing that would happen, but we did have some family members that passed away very early, like in their 40s, from heart attacks and strokes. So it wasn't out of the realm of possibility in my genetic pool, I guess. Basically. Then I ended up in the hospital for the next couple of days running a bunch of tests and then trying to figure out what happened to me, because there was zero explanation and all of the tests came back pretty much with nothing, zero reason for what had happened to me. I woke up and I had been in acute respiratory failure and nobody knew why. I did have some sort of infection. Again, we didn't really know why. So they did, they put me in the hospital for a couple of days and then basically we're like, well, we don't know what happened, but during the testing they found they did, you know, cts and MRIs and all these things trying to figure this out and they found a tumor, and the tumor was in my kidney. They shifted gears at that point and they're like, well, she's alive, and like whatever happened doesn't really matter, because now we're going to focus on the fact that you have kidney cancer. And so I was like, okay, like, I guess I have cancer and we'll deal with it, and I guess the fortunate thing about having renal cancer, at least in my situation, was that it was encapsulated in the kidney and nothing was showing to have spread anywhere.

Dana: 5:08

So, fast forward January 20, 2017, and having major surgery, the doctor says to me you know, I've been reviewing your scans. I just really feel very strongly that we need to try to save your kidney. So I was like, okay, well, I trust you, you know, I trust you and come to find out. Like he's a doctor that studied in Georgetown and he basically specialized in taking tumors out of people's kidneys. There are people that, like have a chronic condition where they grow kidney tumors and they have to have them removed, and so that was essentially what he did and like he's the doctor that quote unquote happens to walk into my room that day, and so I said okay, so that was the agreement. And I told him I'm not holding you to this, but if you can save it, cool, that'll be good. And that was sort of the attitude kind of going in.

Dana: 5:57

I had my surgery in January of 2017. And it ended up being more extensive than they had anticipated. I remember the nurse saying that she was going to get the doctor and he came in and the first thing he says to me is like hey, how are you doing? And I was like okay, and then he said we saved your kidney. My husband comes in a little bit later. I said so what was it? Because part of the procedure was they take the tumor out and then they send it to pathology and they find out what kind of cancer it is. We ran all the tests. This tumor, basically, was saying all the markers, all the indicators were that it's malignant, that it's kidney cancer. That was why we proceeded the way we did.

Dana: 6:42

We fast forward a couple of weeks and we walk into the doctor's office and he says so, it wasn't cancer. I said what do you mean? Like I just remember sitting there and I was like, what, what did he just say? And he's like, yeah, it wasn't cancer. And I said, okay, well then, what was it? And he said, well, it's an extremely rare benign tumor that occurs sometimes because very, very rare, very, very rare, and everything about it says it's cancer, it's called a metanephric adenoma. But he's like so the good news is we really don't have to follow up with oncology, we don't have any treatment, it's gone and it wasn't cancer. So, miracle, right, the fact that I had this doctor who, like, knows what he's doing and has experience in this area. He happened to be the doctor that was there when this major medical crisis happened to me. I just knew that it was a miracle. I knew that God had worked. It could have been way worse.

Dana: 7:37

So 2017, 2018 comes in, and then 2019, and we start to notice that my dad was starting to have some challenges with his memory, and it sort of started off innocently enough. There were times I actually was frustrated with him because it would seem to me sometimes that he would just like ignore me. At one point I remember having a conversation with my mom and I just said it's really bugging me that dad is kind of just blowing me off, and she kind of flippantly says something like well, he just doesn't remember. And I remember like stopping in that moment and thinking, okay, wait a minute, we might have bigger problems here. Prior to everything, sort of hitting the fan, my dad went out on a motorcycle because he was still riding. My dad loved his motorcycle and he was in you know some motorcycle club and he was doing his thing and he was volunteering at the VA, the local VA here.

Dana: 8:35

My mom called me and she said I don't know where your dad is. I said what do you mean? You don't know where he is. She said he left this morning to go volunteer and I haven't heard from him. But it's not like him, because it's starting to get dark and he doesn't stay out when it gets dark and I can't reach him on a cell phone. I don't know where he's at. And so I said okay, what do we do?

Dana: 8:54

Long story short, he ended up missing for about 36 hours During that course of time. Obviously it's totally terrifying. I had a friend who was a police officer in the area, so I contacted him and he was looking for him too and trying to like see if he could find him. We had placed missing persons reports and at the time I was telling them. I said he has some cognitive issues and he's also diabetic. I don't know how long he's been without his medication, I don't know when he ate last.

Dana: 9:23

And I ended up going to my mom's house the next day he still hadn't been found. We did get a tip that he was in a nearby county and we were able to track him down to where he ended up. He did call my mom at like three in the morning and said that he was going to stay in a local hotel. There was a hotel right across the street. He borrowed somebody's phone so we're like okay, he's okay, but she didn't think to ask him where he was. I got on the phone and started calling the hotels in the area and I was able to pinpoint finally like where he had been. But every time I made a call he was not there anymore, like he just checked out half an hour ago or he just did this. So I called the police department in that area and ended up talking to this really sweet lady and she's like we're going to put a bolo out and we'll make sure that the highway patrol knows and the local sheriffs know, and like all of these things.

Dana: 10:11

I went to my mom's and just kind of sat with her and I got out. I just feel so helpless and you don't know what to do and it was scary. I just remember I told my mom, I said, well, you know, we have to call Lindsay Lindsay's, my sister, and she lives in Colorado. Because I said, did you tell her? She's like no, I haven't told her yet. I said, well, we need to let her know. So I went outside and I called my sister and I explained what had happened and I just remember praying to God and I just said God, just let somebody find him, send angels down to find him or just surround him by angels to bring him home. Just let him be safe and help us find him.

Dana: 10:49

I was sitting in the car and we're driving down the freeway and I hear this voice and this voice says be still and know that I am God. And it was audible as you and I talking right now. But of course, like it's really hard to be still when you're like stressed, right, but I heard it and I remember hearing it and I took note and I was like, okay, I'll try, I'll try. So the next day, when I'm praying this prayer, I said I'm asking God for help and for angels and whatever way he needs to make sure that my dad is safe. So I'm walking back to the house after my prayer and I again the voice just says, be still. And I just stopped and I walked into the house.

Dana: 11:28

I sat with my mom and about five minutes later the phone rings and it's somebody asking for my mom. My mom says, yeah, this is me, and it's some lady who she and her friend were jogging, and my dad was in the neighborhood, not too far from his house, but definitely not where he lived, and he had laid his bike down. I think he was just fatigued and tired and it wasn't really a crash, he didn't really get injured, it was just his bike laid down like right in front of them. And of course they went to him and asked him if he's okay and he was able to give them the phone number to call my mom and ask her to come and get him. That was basically, you know, maybe she'll come and get me, kind of thing. And so I ended up speaking to this girl and she says well, my friend's a nurse and so she's, you know, making sure he's okay. And I said please don't let him leave, tell me where you are, we'll come to you. We've been trying to find him. He's been missing for the past 36 hours. I said he is diabetic and he does have some cognitive issues and she's like, okay. So they ended up ultimately calling the paramedics, who came out and they took him to the emergency room in the area and that's where we ended up reuniting with him.

Dana: 12:33

And during the course of that conversation it became really clear that he had gotten lost. He didn't know where he was, he didn't know what had happened. He couldn't tell us how long he'd been gone. He actually thought so he went missing on a Friday and he thought it was Friday and in the meantime he had stayed in a hotel and eaten food and driven Lord knows how, and he was in a completely different area than he was supposed to be in to start. So everything kind of stopped at that point and he did recognize that he probably shouldn't be driving anymore. So that was a blessing and I did explain. I told him, I said, dad, you know, you scared us to death. We had no idea where you've been. And he got really sober, like in his thought, and he says, well, I didn't mean to do that. And I said, of course you didn't. We know you didn't do that on purpose, so that happened.

Dana: 13:22

And then March of 2020 rolls in on purpose, so that happened, and then March of 2020 rolls in, and then we all know kind of what started there and my mom had been struggling with some physical issues for a while and she was just kind of fatigued a lot and she was trying to get to the bottom of it and finally she ended up getting a diagnosis and at the time it's like, okay, well, at least we know it's wrong and there was treatment. It's called myelodysplastic syndrome Again, rare, super rare, because we like rare things in my family, apparently and so it's like a rare condition and it acts like leukemia, but it's not leukemia. Ultimately, it's a condition where she loses platelets and then wasn't regenerating them the way that normal people do, and when you don't have platelets, like your blood doesn't clot, so there's some dangers obviously with that. And so she started treatment in 2021.

Dana: 14:13

And around this time I started really struggling with my mental health. There was a lot happening. We lived in California, there was a lot happening at work. There was just a lot of stress trying to navigate our job that we had in the conditions that we were in, trying to put out fires and trying to help people. There was a lot of stress, a lot of changes, a lot of trying to navigate these changes from afar and it was just a really stressful time at work. But then also just recognizing that my mom was ill, my dad has significant issues and we're still trying to figure out what's going on with that, and then just kind of like what's going on, what's happening, how do we navigate this? So I knew that changes were on the horizon, but I didn't know what that looked like. It was causing me a lot of anxiety and the world just in general was stressing me out and work was stressing me out and there was, you know, the stuff going on with my parents that's stressing me out and I started to have panic attacks. That was not something I'd ever dealt with before. It sort of shook me because I was.

Dana: 15:28

I've always been told that I'm really strong and I've always been told that I'm resilient, that I just sort of am able to take charge in a situation. It was one of the things my mom actually said well, you're really good in a crisis, dana. So when I started having these attacks, it was hard for me because I viewed it as a weakness. Okay, and I'll be honest about that. I viewed it as like this means that I'm not capable. This means that I'm not strong or resilient and I have no control.

Dana: 15:52

The first time it happened, actually, I just remember standing in my living room and I was feeling very shaky and I felt like my skin was crawling and there was buzzing in my head, like there were bees in my head All of my coping skills that I had been using for stress in the past. Nothing was working. I called my husband on video and he was driving and he actually had pulled over and he was like hey, what's going on? And I said I don't know, I'm not okay, something's wrong. We talked for a minute and then I'm like I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I got off the phone and I'm like I'm not fine, I'm not okay. So I ended up calling my sister and I told her. I said I don't know what's wrong and I started sobbing and she just was like what is happening? I was explaining to her this is how I'm feeling this is what's going on. I can't shake it, won't feel like I was having a heart attack or any of that, but I just I wasn't in my body. I said, am I having an anxiety attack? And she said you're having a panic attack. A couple of minutes later, like the door opens and my husband's standing there, he was just like something told me I needed to come home. I ended up like just basically like word vomiting to him all of this stuff and like he knew you know the things that were going on, obviously, but I just was like I can't function, I don't know what's wrong.

Dana: 17:09

At that point I started talking to my doctor and ultimately was put on an anti-anxiety, anti-depressant medication. That was really hard for me and again I viewed it sort of as a weakness, and not that I have any problem with people taking medications. If it works for you, great, do it, do what you need to do to help yourself, right, and that's really my approach with a lot of things. But for me it was a challenge and for me it was really hard, but I did it. And at the time then my doctor said we're going to pull you out of work, we're going to put you on leave for three months, and this was probably May. At this point now and I'm like, all right, we'll do it.

Dana: 17:48

In the middle of this too, my mom was hospitalized twice. So she was hospitalized in February of 2021. And then again in May or June actually might have been June of 2021. She was in the hospital for a week each time, which sort of put things into like an interesting situation, because my dad remember, he has cognitive delays, right, and she was telling me he really couldn't be left alone, and so I'm like, well, what do we do with him? So I was trying to navigate that and her being in the hospital she's supposed to be doing better, but she's not Her second hospitalization. It's like, well, her health is tanking and like what's going on. And I just remember sitting in the hospital room with her. She kind of said a couple of things, like you know, I think maybe we should call the attorney and about the trust kind of thing, but she didn't elaborate and I said, okay, we'll do that when you get out of the hospital.

Dana: 18:44

She got discharged from the hospital and I went to see her on it was after the 4th of July and I was there and we hung out and I took my dad to the store. I came back and she's like I'm just tired and I said, okay, I'll be back Friday. It was a Wednesday and so I said I'll be back Friday. And then she said, if I go lay down, you're going to leave. And I said, well, yeah, I'll leave, but I'm coming back, I'll be back on Friday. And she said, okay. So she went and laid down and I left and that was Wednesday, it was July 8th and my phone rings and I was in my bedroom and I knew, I just knew.

Dana: 19:26

So I look at my phone and it's my dad and he said your mom fell and they've taken her to a hospital. They won't let me go. And the paramedics were still there. So the paramedics said I think this is where we're taking her, and so I said, okay, I'll come and get you. And he said, okay, it took me a little bit of time to get out. I called my husband and I said okay, like this has happened and I'm going to go. And he said do you want me to come with you? And I said, no, you're fine, it's okay. So we hung up and I was like I got dressed and I was like standing in the hallway and I hear this voice again and the voice said have him go with you. And I said okay, and I knew, and I knew why. Like there's this part, you just know. We got in the car, we went and get my dad and we go to the hospital and ultimately my mom passed away that day. She basically had a brain bleed and because she didn't have platelets, she wasn't able to clot. We don't know if the fall caused the bleed or if the bleed caused the fall, but that's ultimately what happened.

Dana: 20:24

So I woke up on a Thursday morning, just a normal day, and I went to bed on Thursday night and like my whole life was changed right, and I just remember standing in the emergency room and I had my husband take my dad out of the room. He was just having a hard time. The doctors were there and there was like a team of doctors, because where she was at is actually a teaching hospital, so there were a lot of people kind of around and he basically asked if she was going to ever wake up and they said probably not. And he was just like okay, and so I told my husband, I said just, you know, go sit with him. Go sit with him because he doesn't want to be here. I don't want to force him to be here, but like we can't leave yet either. Because there were you know logistics and things.

Dana: 21:05

And I just remember standing in the ER and then the ER nurse was there and she said well, you know, you can talk to her if you want to. And then I just remember I just looked at her and I said you know, mom, it's okay, like you can go, it's okay. And I said I'll take care of dad. I always told you I would. And I remember the nurse as I walked out of the room she came up behind me I'll never forget it because it's like the small kindnesses of people sometimes and she just put her hand on my shoulder as we were walking out and I remember just being really stiff because I was like I can't cry, I can't cry, I can't lose it. My dad is losing his wife and he has these issues and if I lose it, I can't lose it. But I still remember that that was one of the kindest things.

Dana: 21:56

I just remember standing in the hallway at my parents' house and I just looked at Jim, my husband, and I just said I don't like, what am I going to do? And what am I going to do? And I don't know how many times I said it he just he said just stop, it's okay. What he said was how do you eat an elephant? And I said I don't know, like how do you eat an elephant, you know, and he's like one bite at a time. And I'll tell you that that has been like a slogan that we have used many times over the past several years when things have gotten really rough and stressful.

Dana: 22:21

So that day everything shifted and I went into caregiving mode and like so I was dealing with my own like mental health issues at this point, anxiety, all of this stuff, and kind of uncertainty about where I was going to be going from here. I was currently on leave from work and then my mom dies in the middle of it. I just felt really lost and I can talk about bits and pieces of that year, but there's a lot that I really kind of don't remember and I guess that's a response to trauma. You sort of block things out. So that started the season that I guess I would say that I'm currently in, where I just kind of went into caregiver mode, dealing with the dementia and sort of coming to terms with that and watching somebody that you love.

Dana: 23:17

That was a very, like vital person. My dad's a Vietnam veteran. He's a decorated war hero, he has friends, he rode a motorcycle. He kind of had this life and he's kind of become somebody that is very different. In some ways that's been a good thing. He's actually really like appreciative, and not that he wasn't in the past, but he's much more vocal about like his appreciation and gratitude and things that he never was before. He and I, you know, have forged this like different type of relationship that come from me caring for him and helping him. I feel like that's been a positive thing, in spite of sort of the heart breaking parts of it as well.

Kiley: 23:57

Well, one of the things I want to ask, because obviously there's been a lot of loss, a lot of grief, and not just with the loss of your mom. But you were with your job for 25 years. You know, don't do a job like the one we did without having a passion for it and so leaving that job after so many years, I would imagine that there would be a huge identity shift. You mentioned that you were lost. How has God helped you to reveal your identity in the last couple of years?

Dana: 24:32

So I never found myself to be the person that wanted to identify myself by what I did for work, right, people would ask about work and I'd say you know, this is what I do, but I didn't really want to spend a whole bunch of time talking about it. Basically, it's like I need to shut it off, because it was a kind of job that you really ended up taking home with you, in your mind, in your heart, and so it was hard to walk away from it and I just was having a hard time in general, but it wasn't like I necessarily wanted to leave or wanted to not be there anymore, and I had clients that I'd worked with for the entire time that I'd worked there, which was about 23 years. You have relationships that you build and that have grown over time and you've walked through some of the hardest things that these people have had to deal with with their children or whatever and so I did cherish that and that was really hard. It was hard for me to leave that and I had friends at the office, but there was a support network there as well that I felt like I was walking away from and I really did Like who am I now, what am I doing now? I'm not this person anymore that had this job and that did these things, and I remember a lot of times saying, oh, I don't work anymore and so therefore, like I have nothing to contribute or nothing to say in a conversation and people would say, no, you are, you do work, you're your dad's caregiver, that's work.

Dana: 25:51

Like the loss of that identity for me was a bigger challenge than I had figured that it would be and I really did kind of feel lost in that for a while, where I it's like who am I? What value do I have? There was a lot of that, you know, and then sort of feeling guilty that that I felt that as a loss, that that it wasn't just good enough for me to like care for my dad and like be there for him because I knew he needed it. It wasn't that was never a question, like it was never a question that I would provide care for him as best as I could. My husband was on board and he was very much like yes, this is where God wants you to be right now. And I really will say that I felt in some ways very calm about it. I remember driving home once and just feeling very at peace and very calm, like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I really feel that I feel that this is where God wants me to be. It sucks. I hate it, I don't want to be here, but like, at the same time, I'm here and this is where I'm supposed to be, and I felt very like at peace with that position.

Dana: 26:58

I developed some pretty significant social anxiety for a while where I couldn't go out in a lot of ways because I just didn't feel like anybody else who can identify with what I'm going through Nobody. I didn't know anybody at that time that was dealing with what I was dealing with. Who wants to hear like my woe is me in conversation? I can't stand being around. Who else wants to be around me? Nobody wants to be around me because I'm dealing with a lot. I'm dealing with grief and in many different forms. So I just didn't feel like I had anything to offer anybody and so I really struggled in that arena.

Dana: 27:31

But then my husband likes to remind me all the time. He's like you're where you're supposed to be, you're God's child and God is with you. You need to remember whose you are, not necessarily who you are. And so, therefore, as long as you're walking in obedience and as long as you're where God wants you to be, this is where you're supposed to be. That's where your identity is when you step out in faith and when you walk in obedience, even if you don't know what that looks like, because I had no idea. I had no idea what I was doing.

Dana: 28:03

I like to think in pictures sometimes, so I remember. There's two things. I remember just feeling like one day a bomb exploded and that bomb was my life, my whole life, and you know it was my mom passing, my dad's illness, my mental health issues, my job, and this bomb just exploded and my life just went boom. And then somebody turned out the light. And I remember feeling like I'm just this rebel and I have no idea where my life went, where everything's at. Remember feeling like I can't even see the light. I know that there's supposed to be a light at the end of the tunnel, right, because that's what everybody tells you, but I was like there's no light, not even a pinprick, it's just dark, there's nothing but rubble around me. And I just remember feeling like I'm just face down on the ground, and I used to always say if you're face down, turn around and look up. God's in heaven and he's up in the sky. And I just remember I can't even move. And I kind of just turned my head and recognized and realized like okay, hold on a second, you're not alone. God was with me on the ground with my face down, and I didn't even have to look to the side, I just knew he was there.

Dana: 29:15

And I remember, after the first year, feeling like I don't even know how I got here. This happened on this date and it's been a year and I don't remember, I don't know how I got here. And then it was this realization and God was like because I carried you. So there's another footprint story where he talks about. You see, one set of footprints is because God was carrying you. But he was with me in the worst part of my life and I just was face down and he was next to me. He didn't even tell me I had to step out in faith, he just picked me up and slowly but surely the light came. And as time went on, the light did get brighter and I was able to maybe walk a little bit. But that whole time that he was with me because I'm his and he doesn't leave his kids to just like hang out in the rubble. So that was kind of the one realization was that you know that he has never left, he was always with me and that he's provided for me.

Dana: 30:25

Another thing that came to me as well and I was talking to my therapist one day and she said something along the lines of it's really hard to accept or to receive if you always keep your hands closed. Because I was having a really hard time accepting help, asking for help, knowing what I needed, and she said people want to help, but you can't receive blessings if your hands are closed. And I said that makes sense, like that made sense to me. And I looked down and I started laughing and all of our sessions are done on Zoom. So she's like why are you laughing? And I said I said I just looked down and these are my hands and I lifted my hands up to the camera and they were in fists and I was literally sitting there with my hands and fists while she's talking to me about this. Again, it was just like you can't receive anything, you can't receive help, you can't receive blessings if you're so rigid and your hands are closed, and that really resonated with me and I literally opened my hands. I started doing that and started asking for help or at least accepting help from people. That's when the blessings came.

Dana: 31:40

God just really showed up for me emotionally. He showed up for me in support, you know, from people that I never would have, never, ever in a million years, would have thought in ways that I never would have thought, in support for myself, support for my dad, and he's just brought these people into our lives that have kind of carried us through and helped us. I mentioned the be still like that is something that he continues every once in a while. When things get rough or when I start to think that I have control over everything, the voice will come. The voice will say you know, be still. And when I stop and when I'm still is when I usually hear from him, and it's usually when the blessings come, and I'll just look and say that was God, because I have to let go. I have to let go of my feeling of control, I have to let go of my feelings of inadequacy, guilt, overwhelm, and just let God handle it, because he does and and he has, and he will continue to do that and I do believe that walking this walk with my dad is heartbreaking.

Dana: 32:49

And now there's anticipatory grief because I know that it's progressive his condition, and I've seen, I've witnessed that I've seen over the past few years of the decline and I know that there's more to come. But I also feel much calmer and a lot more at peace about the situation in general because I know that I'm not alone in it. I know that God's with me. I know that he's picked me up and carried me in the past. I know He'll continue to do that. I know that He'll walk with me if I'm able to walk. I know that He'll carry me if I'm has shown me over and over and over again that he's faithful and that he'll be there and that I'm not alone.

Kiley: 33:29

Yeah, you were talking about feeling face down in the rubble and that image in my mind it's like a little cartoon image of Jesus standing there with his arms out and all these rocks are coming behind him and you have the person in front of him with one or two rocks in front of them and it's like oh my gosh, ouch, jesus, where are you? And Jesus is shielding him from all of these other things that are happening. He's like are you okay? That vision just came to my mind when you were like all I had to do is for him. I had to know that he was there and, yes, there's a lot of stuff that's been going on, but just knowing that he's there, walking through it, like he feels all of that with you, he wants to pull you through.

Dana: 34:08

There was a song like the first, like year or so, every day I would wake up and I would play the song. It's by Phil Wickham and you probably know it, but it's called Battle Belongs.

Gianina: 34:18

Yeah.

Dana: 34:19

Basically, you know, it basically is talking about like he's before me, nobody can like hurt me because he's there, he's already like won the battle. I just had to listen to that because sometimes I just had no work, I didn't even know what to pray for and because I just was so overwhelmed, I felt like I was underwater, I felt like I was drowning. Like there were just so many times that I felt like I was just so underwater and that I was drowning. I just would sing that song, I would listen to that song, walk around my house and just sing that song and cry sometimes because it's like God, I just I don't even know what to do, but like the battle is yours, it has to be yours, because I can't do this.

Gianina: 34:55

I think it's really cool just listening to your story and seeing God's faithfulness as you're saying it. I can see so many times where God was in that situation and God was in that situation and just how he showed up in different times that maybe we wouldn't even see it when we're going through it. And even particularly, one of the things that I thought of was when you had your cancer diagnosis and then also when your dad disappeared for 36 hours, just kind of thinking about how you couldn't even worry in those times. Worry wasn't going to do anything.

Gianina: 35:32

And the verse in Matthew that says who can add a day to their lives by worrying and nobody can there was nothing that you could do or there's no amount of stress that you could carry that was going to fix that situation, and it was just through God that there was no cancer and it was just through God that your father was found, and so it's just such a good reminder for all of us not to stress, because it really that's not what's going to be helpful in that situation. The times that have been the most helpful for you, from what I heard in your story, is the times that you surrendered, and it's just it's a great reminder that worry isn't going to add time to our lives. We can't make our lives longer by worrying, but we can make them more peaceful and impactful and better for the time that we are here by just surrendering to God. So that's really cool that we are here by just surrendering to God, so that's really cool.

Dana: 36:28

Yeah, and that's actually it. It really was when you just let go. I really felt like when I just let go and let God people say that all the time. But that's been something that has really resonated with me, where it's just be still.

Dana: 36:44

Know that I am God, know that I've got this, know that I've got you and I'm not leaving you. You're my kid and I'm not going to leave you and I'm going to take on the brunt of the stones that people are throwing, or I'm going to carry you out of the rubble and the tunnel and I'm going to bring you back into the light. That's it. You just have to let go and let me, and I'm going to bring you back into the light. That's it. You just have to let go and let me. Let me do it. Let me do it because I want to, because I love you and you're my child and I love you, and that's been really something that has really, I think, helped me in maintaining calm.

Dana: 37:22

I still worry. I worry all the time. There's just a more peacefulness and a more sense of calm now, because I know that, because I know that God has brought me through and that he will continue to do so and, whatever happens, it took a while to get here. It wasn't like it just happened overnight. It's more of being able to just kind of look back over all of this and recognize that God has carried me through and he's been with me the whole time, even when I felt completely hopeless and alone, but like knowing that I wasn't.

Gianina: 37:58

A lot of times we're like okay, so how do we navigate this current valley or this current situation that we're in? And I love what you just said, that you can navigate these times by looking back and seeing God's faithfulness in your life in the past. And if you maybe just recently got saved and you don't know what God's faithfulness has looked like in your life, reading the Bible and seeing his faithfulness over and over again in different situations, we fight these current battles in our lives by recognizing he was faithful then. He's going to be faithful now. He didn't let me go then. He's not going to let me go now. So really good.

Dana: 38:35

Exactly Nail on the head. There you go.

Gianina: 38:39

So, if you don't mind, I am going to just pray over you and your family and then just anyone else who might be navigating a situation like this. I thought of this while you were speaking so many times we need to get your husband like some type of MVP award, because there were so many things he said that I was like well, he's such a good partner like this, the way that he stood by things, and then he just has so much wisdom and things. So just let him know we gave him a little shout out.

Dana: 39:10

I'll flat out say my husband's an angel. God knew what he was doing when he put him in my life.

Gianina: 39:15

And I will never.

Dana: 39:16

Yeah, he's, he's the best. He's, he's the best. That's sweet. You can leave that in. Yeah, we'll leave that in Well.

Gianina: 39:25

Lord, we just come to you tonight and I thank you so much for Dana and just her story, the faithfulness that you've shown over her life time and time again. It's such a great example and display of your goodness and who you are. And even when we can't make sense of a situation or we don't understand why something's happened, we trust you and we know that you are good. And I just pray right now over her father, over Stan Lord. I just pray that peace would carry him all the days of his life, even if his mind starts to fade or even if his memory starts to fade. I pray that your presence would remain, that he would have peace and he would have joy all the days of his life, and that that's what his family will remember him for, what his children will remember him for. And I pray for Dana as she navigates this next season of her life and the current season that she's in, that you would just continue to give her these little glimpses and glimmers of who you are every single day, that she would know you're with her, that even when unexpected things happen, she can look back and see that you've been with her this whole time. And I just pray for a supernatural strength to come over her and a grace to come over her, and I pray that, even as she's pouring out and pouring out so much her and her husband, jim, as they're giving so much, lord that you would give them unexpected blessings, even things that maybe they don't think that they deserve, or things that they don't think to even look for, but that there would be just unexpected blessings pouring over their lives and that your love would overflow.

Gianina: 41:00

And, lord, I just pray for anybody else who might be navigating a difficult time like this, particularly with their parents. God, that you would give them hope in this situation. Lord, I pray that, just as Dana's been able to have these incredible resources, that doors would just open for them, that they would be able to get their parents the care that they need. You would be with them every single step of the way. And I pray, father, that you would open our eyes to see you in the situations where we feel like we're alone. I pray, lord, that anyone who's listening to this right now, god, that we would begin to just feel your presence, more Holy Spirit, that you would work in and through us, and that we would just be able to be the hands and feet of Jesus every single day In Jesus' name Amen.

Kiley: 41:48

Thank you so much, Dana. Thank you so much again for being here with us tonight. I'm so excited that we well, we kind of got a chance to even catch up, because we haven't talked in a while.

Dana: 41:58

A little bit. I know I have to get myself back out to Tennessee pretty soon here.

Kiley: 42:02

Yes, please, our house is ready for you your story. It's such a reminder that even in the deepest valleys, we're never walking alone, and I'm so grateful for you for sharing so openly with us today and for letting us see that it's not just the struggles but the faithfulness of God through all of it. If Dana's story has resonated with you, I encourage you to take a moment today to pause to breathe and to remember that God is right there with you too, even when you can't see it. Thank you for joining us on this episode of Walkthrough. Be sure to subscribe and share this conversation with a friend who needs encouragement, and we'll see you next time.